Parental Advisory: Explicit Content

I don't know how many of you have read my poems in the past... but this will be my third explicit one... You can look back and read "In The Moment" and "Temporary Hiatus" they're cool too...


those poems however... were just my attempts at writing sexual poetry... but... i must admit... that this next one is from personal experience... and instead of sitting myself down and telling myself to write [as i did with the last ones].. this one came to me.. in bits and pieces.. and i just had to jot them down before they left me.. so bear with me this prolly wont be the final draft

you stare.
my confidence is at its peak when i know your eyes are on me
my inner thighs dilate in sync with your pupils
you lean in.
holding me so close that the graze of your eyelash whispers in my ear when you blink
i can't help but take my bottom lip from your shoulder to your collar bone and back again
just in time to look in to your eyes
we connect
at that moment there is the least bit of hesitation within me
and with the separation of my legs... i open myself to you... for you...
familiar.
yet i inhale deeply with surprise when your head meets my lips
and inside you explore what feels like new territory every single time
we levitate.
i open my eyes finding myself in a higher state
impairing my vision,
our reflection is a blur
you lift me.
i clench your back anxiously to assure myself it's real
i can smell you, touch you, taste you
on me, near me, ....in me
perfection was never in my reach til now
tangible til i relieve my grasp
i let go.
release previous postponed passions
and pull away to rest.

i open my eyes to you above me
smiling, smoothing back my hair
those eyes almost send me away again, so..
i leave.
yet our heartbeat throbs between my thighs.
haunting me..
distracting me...
luring me in to the next encounter.

so i need a title... and feedback..

back.

11.5 songs I hate to love

Okay, so I think that some of these songs are a str8up shame...but for some reason I jus cant help but "jam" when they come on...

11. this would be further down in the list if i wasnt coming bak to edit this bcuz i jus remember the song 2 seconds after i published the blog...

I love this song soooo much! lol I get so excited when it comes on... in the cafe, in the club, etc... i think it can be inferred why i hate to love this song...lol

10. Jamie Foxx ft T-Pain- Blame it on the Alcohol

So, i absolutly LOVE this song... and i only hate to sing along to it bcuz i dont drink...what so ever... so i cant blame it on anything but myself... wait... i DONT hate that I dont drink... lol im proud of that, i feel like y am i jamin to this song about gettin drunk wen i cant even relate.. but hey, a club banga is a club banga... lol

9. Busta Rhymes ft Ron Brownz- Arab Money

I like this song too... but my friend was like...its so ignorant cuz they aint sayin nuthin... tho im not sure if that is true, it would be very iggy if they were jus makin noise/makin fun of Arab people...but Busta says "Sing the hook in Arabic"... so maybe they are actually sayin somethin... but I PERSONALLY dont know arabic, so i hate to love it cuz i sit there and make noises and become a lil iggy... mmm.

8. Ron Brownz ft Q da Kid- Jumpin (Out tha window)

I mean, its not the best concept for a song... but i like it...

7. Jeremih- Birthday Sex

I hate to like this song bcuz i had to confirm my age on youtube to view it... nah really, i jus hate to like it cuz its a lil dirty... lol but what song isnt these days. At this point in time im more upset at this video than the actual song...

6. Soulja Boy- Turn my swag on

I jus hate to like soulja boy period...i feel like his songs means absolutely nothing... but anywhoo... this video is A TRIP!

5.5- Gucci ft some other artists- Bricks

Its about cocaine...y should i like it? i dont understand... my roomate knows ALL the words... she loves Gucci... i dont understand that either...(i love u Kristy)

5. Rico Dolla- Whats my favorite word

....Bi*** jus isnt a good word, i dont like it, but when im in the club and it comes on, i dance, and if im in that mood, i may even yell it with the rest of the bitties

4. Waxamillion- No panties on the dancefloor
*sorry about the quality of the video

I love this song so much!!!! But it gives off such a bad message when im singin along like its the gospel... Plus, its jus so dang on funny!!!!!

3. Riskay- Smell yo dick

I jus cant stop singin it... i dont understand... anyway, its jus such a mess, but they're so serious...

2. Nelly- Tip Drill

...i dance everytime, but this song is so disresectful, and then ur friends wana play around and point at u wen they say "Now if you see a tip drill, point her out (where she at)", its iight tho, i point right back... but its funny wen we see a girl we dont know dancin trife and we all point at her (unplanned) i get a good laugh at that...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

1. OJ da Juice Man ft...our boy, Gucci- aaay

Aaight so here's the deal, when I heard it on the radio, it was edited. So it only said "Quarter..., halfa...., whole...., aaay" not "Quarter brick. halfa brick, whole brick, aay" so i thought it was saying "Whore, heffa, hoe, aaay" so up until JUS now, wen my roomate (who knows all the words to this song too), explained it to me. But its stil about coke... so hhhahahaha

Honorable mention:
Samwell- what what in the butt
T-Baby- Cold in the D
Gucci- Gucci bandanna
and some others that i didnt write down bcuz i thought id remember them... i shouldve known... i had some good ones too... dang it!

Honesty really IS the best policy

Okay,
So when we were young, our parents always told us little values and morals to live by. You know... treat others as you want to be treated, clean up behind yourself, wipe your feet at the door, no elbows on the table, don’t talk with your mouth full, and the list could go on forever. I always tried my hardest to follow these rules of life, but i always had trouble with what may have been the most important one,
"HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY"
yeah, it was tough, and I was good. From a young age I would tell little white lies, no big deal (so I thought), but these white lies turned in to real lies and so on and so fourth...
from the age of like 7 until I was about 16...I used to lie my ass off! I wasn’t like, a habitual liar. I lied for good reasons, well there’s never a good enough reason to lie, but then, the reasons seemed good. And, the only person I really lied to on a regular basis was my mom. She was the only person i really NEEDED to lie to. But then I had an epiphany,
"Perhaps, if I don’t do things I KNOW I'm not supposed to do, I won’t have to lie about them"
I believe that it was a part of growing up. As I matured, I realized that I should tell the truth at all cost.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, to be honest, I still lie every now and then, but maybe like once or twice a week. But anywhoo, on to the point of the blog...
This morning I had another epiphany, I thought about how, as I matured, yes, I did learn the value of the truth and yes, I changed in a big way. However, it wasn’t until recently, like with in the past 2 weeks, that I REALLY realized that I shouldn’t lie.
Why you ask?
Because it doesn’t feel good to be lied to or to have information with held from you. It especially doesn’t feel good to be ignored or lead on, which isn’t necessarily a lie, but it falls under not telling the truth. I really just don’t understand why people don’t just tell the truth, I mean I understand it, but I wont condone it, nor will I advise it.
I am 18. I have endured, and resisted, peer pressure. I have graduated from high school. I have been in love. I have gotten my ass whopped on a many occasion when I was younger. I made it thru my 1st semester with 17 credits and a 3.81 gpa. I could still get my ass whopped, if I make the wrong move. I can buy cigarettes. I can go to the club. I can vote. I can claim myself as independent. I can get my full license (which I have).
All these things that I have done and can do, what makes you think that I can’t handle the truth? I simply don’t understand it. I really don’t like liars...and I absolutely despise being lied to. Anywhoo... I jus needed to vent a little bit. Thanks for reading.
Here's a song from pretty much my fav band... Evanescence, its called missing. It doesnt directly connect with the blog, but its pretty much how i feel right now.

why they DON'T work

WHY ARE A LOT OF RELATIONSHIPS FAILURES??

... and by failure, i mean that the "original title" given to the said relationship does not workout.

For me, I think that there are four reasons why relationships (including friendship, romantic relationships, and relative-ships) don't work out

disclaimer:: for the sake of not have much confusion.. the examples will be in the sense of a romantic relationship

EXPECTATIONS -- a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future

WORK -- activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

TRUST -- firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something

COMMUNICATION -- the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings

expectations::

People often go into relationships with a lot of expectations. I mean it would be stupid and naive to not have any expectations, because then you would have absolutely no standards and that's just NAHT smart. BUTT (and yes I did spell it with two t's). It is even more stupid and more naive to think the each and every one of the expectation that you hold your partner to will be fulfilled to your degree.

The first mistake that is made with expectations is that people often made too many, and unreasonable expectations for the significant other to fulfill. For example:: say a really rich girl got with a guy who grew up in the projects taking care of his family because his daddy wasn't around. Now the girl goes into the relationship with the ideals of a man who is upscale, high-class, waits on her hand and foot, likes to spend money in order to have fun. For the girl to think the the guy could fulfill ALL of these expectations is absurd.

The second mistake that people make is not only do people go into relationship with ridiculous amount of expectations, but they actually think that allllllll the expectations will be satisfied. Its like getting a cat and then one day asking it to bark. Is it gonna happen?... NEGATIVE

work::

it is crazy the amount of work put in when two people are courting or even just trying to get each other's attention. I guy will go to great lengths in order to "bag" a girl. And a girl will call in all her "man-terpretation powers" in order to get a guy. BUT WHY when the two finally get together does this crazy work ethic they BOTH had go out the window... for BOTH of them.. It is like as soon as the relationship begins people think that the work is over.. WRONG.. this is were people fail.. and where relationships do to... you must work to keep a relationship going. You can't bail at the first sight of trouble...

trust::

this should be a NO BRAINER.. but apparently it's not... for a relationship to work both parties must trust each other fully. that's it.. You have to be able to trust you partner with you body, your feelings, your secrets, your credit card, you hear, your mind, you EVERYTHING. I can write a novel on how important trust is... but I won't. But I feel like the most successful relationship have come about becuase both people trusted each other... and if it was not full trust, then it was the same level and understanding of trust. Ne-Yo says "I believe that love and trust are one in the same. I don't think you can truly love somebody unless you trust them. That blind trust, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, no matter what this person sayin', that person sayin', you believe your man"

commincation::

again, I feel as though this should be a no brainer but it has found it's way on my list... You gotta talk. You have to let the other person know how you feel, what you want, what you need. Tell them everything, as they should to you. Not only talk about emotions and such, but talk about the Red Sox or Obama or something... Conversation builds friendship. Friendship should be the base of the relationship. You have to know the person your in a relationship with. Communication is the grounds for all the other things like expectations, work, and trust. If the communication is set in a relationship then it is soo much easier for both people to understand the EXPECTATIONS of each other, to realize what the other person wants and what WORK needs to be done to achieve that. And when two people talk about.. everything.. then trust is naturally established amongst them, and can be nurtured into the trust needed for a healthy successful relationship.

that's all folks

peaceee

P.S... sometimes relationships don't work because we're scared...

quotee : "So scared of the heartbreak. So scared of makin' mistakes. I keep runnin', when all I really need is you" - Jesse McCartney

make me give you some sex educationnn

so pretty much i found this on some random message board and thought it was pretty funny and truthful. and i think the reason that booty calls so often turn into "we're hooking up but i think it's more.." type of deals is because people don't follow these rules. soooo... here they are, do with them as you will =]

ps. i have a lot of new articles/ random shit brewing in my head, so get psyched cause big things will be coming soon ;) (maybe even like..later tonight)

Rules of the Booty Call

Thou shalt not have intense eye contact during the act.
Thou shalt not call the other by a nickname. (ie: Baby, Baby girl, etc.)
Thou shalt not cuddle and want to talk to the entire night.
Thou shalt not kiss the other goodbye passionately in the morning.
Thou shalt only sleep over if it's really late.
Thou shalt not discuss the next encounter.
Thou shalt not question how many partners the other has/has had.
Thou shalt not engage in caressing/massaging AFTER the act.
Thou shalt engage in sexual acts no later than 20 minutes after the other person arrives.
Thou shalt not kiss the other's forehead and wish them a good night.
Thou shalt not take a romantic bath/shower together afterwards.
Thou shalt not spend the remainder of the night giggling and acting silly.

Thou shalt have a mutual understanding of the Booty Call and abide by all of its rules. If not, thou shalt be obliged to move on and find another Booty to call.



and as i always do, i'm gonna leave you with a related song:

FUCK U GRL - DJz JENNiiFER

it's so straight forward. i wanna hold you and fuck you giiirlllllll =]

LYIN ASS MOTHA FUKA

iight. so jasmin sayd she wants graphics so ill find a picture that relates to my situation...iight well so much for that... heres jus how i feel right now

Y do i feel this way you ask...let me tell u why, because people lie...for no reason, and then wen they get caught in their lie, they continue to dig themselvs deeper and deeper in that hole that is dishonesty. It doesnt matter if I have tried my hardest to never lie to him thru out our relationship... iight so my problem is, i dont really know if he's lying, so i need yalls help.

So last night I went thru some tuff shiz... i was really thrown by the situation as a whole...

Background:

so me and my ex were texting las night...as we do every Tuesday
in the meantime...like truought the convorsation, he would say stuff about how he doesnt wana talk about relationships...cuz he misunderstood somethin i said, so he talkin about he doesnt feel like we should talk about ne thing havin to deal with a relationship...so im likke iight w/e
but also in the meantime, i told him that one of our friends told told me something that almost made me cringe...like those were my exact words... i guess he assumed it had something to do with him talkin to someone...so he got like really defensive...
so he was saying stuff like...i shouldnt listen to rumors and ppl say w/e they wana say but dont believe it...jus stuff that made it sound like there was reson for ppl to be tellin rumors about him…1) what does that sound like to yall?

oh okay...me too

Iight…so then I let it go… jus cuz I was jus like w/e about it by then. So we continued our convo and then it was like 1 somethin so we were both kinda tired…so he says “im tired so ill tty next week. Its my turn. Goodnight and good luck” cuz I was tellin him how much I was struggllin with an essay I was writing…So I said. “Okay, goodnight. And thank you.”

The situation:

Two minits later, I get a text saying “Baybee im fallin asleep, so I’ll ttyl, ok? Dnt b mad”…

2) wat do u think jus happened?
Well for sure we’ve been broken up for over a month and he’s not the baybee…type so I was def like “u def sent that to the wrong person” and he was like “Lmao, I tol u im fallin asleep. It was a part of a draft I was gunna send u earlier, my bad”
He’s quick on his feet eh?
Yeah…no…maybe…idk either… but this isn’t the half of it
So then I was like…"that doesn’t even make sense, y would u be callin me baby, wen that’s not the case? I think ur lyin but its w/e I don’t even care."
Then he was like “Y wud I lie about dat, especially afta wat we jus literally talked about. And I meant to say bailli, I jus txt the wrong thing”
And the lies jus get deeper and deeper…
So I was like, “that’s bull shit. Don’t even bother with anymore lies. And its not even a good lie. Ill see u around {insert name here}. Much luck to ur new baybee and urself”

from here on out ima jus type the convo. im purple...he's red...my commentary is in blue

-Wtf, think wat u wana think, I thought u might get a kick out of me spellin ur name like baylee but I guess not (dam right…not!). as a matter of fact, I think it’ll be btr if u think I had another baybee, hopefully that’ll motivate u to start dating again or weneva ur ready. Well, the liar is off, bye

-W/e…it just doesn’t make sense man, none of it does. Bye

-U have lied so much n da past that u cant even see wen some1 is tellin the truth, but like u said, w/e bye
have i really? this mofo is crazy, i did my best not to lie to him, i never had a reason to, so i asked

-wen did I lie to you? And don’t even start with the personal attacks

-Im not sayin u’ve lied to me im jus sayin period. I don’t feel bad about sendin u the msg cuz they had a few errors in them, so wat. Im tired of feeln u don’t believe me, so jus believe im lyin . Mayb u’ll feel btr. Y am I feeln and txtn u like I gota prove sumnthn to u, so im not. Think watchu wana, suspect me of w/e jus like u always have. Maybe ull feel better about everything
o, okay then

-don’t try and turn ur shit around on me ive never suspected u of lying about something serious, if anything I was too naïve. Idk about that txt. A lot of it jus doesn’t make sense, and all the stuff we talked about tonight, and how u didn’t wana talk about new relationships, it all adds up. Idk wat to think but don’t come at me like that

so im like, maybe this dummy doesnt know what he sent me... let me enlighten him
-fwd: Baybee im fallin asleep, so ill ttyl, ok? Dnt b mad… that’s the message u sent me. Y would I be mad that ur goin to sleep? And u always say ull talk to me next week, jus like u did tonight. And things don’t jus send themselves out of a drafts box. Things jus aint addin up son

-It was saved as a draft on the bottom of my screen where the send button Is, I thought u might be a lil mad bcuz I aint text u first and we aint get alota time to talk I thought u might b upset, my fault for being so considerate, I wont be next time since its such a problem. If u don’t wana believe me, don’t, im not guna plead for ur trust

-U don’t need to plead for my trust anymore. I guess it doesn’t matter whether I trust u or not. I jus don’t know what to think, but appearantly u don’t care so ill stop tellin u that

-I do care and ino u don’t know what to think, but idk wat else to say to dat. Ive told u all that I can right now, da rest u gota think for urself

-k

There was mos def more to that convorsation, but im not bouta put the whole convo up here... anywhoo... what do yall think?

I've gotten the opinions of a few others but i need both male and female perspectives.

My Predicament:

there are soooo many things goinbg on in my head right now,

1)who the fuck is he callin baby so soon? This is the guy who took a year and a half to get over his ex gf of 2months...but we were together for 2 years and ur thru in a month... wtf ever

2)He's soooooo lying wtf is wrong with him...ur caught nigga! fess the fuck up!

3)how long has he been talkin to dis gurl cuz it took him (as i look at my watchless wrist) too dam long to even think to call me baby

4)do i know her? did she know about us?

5)damn womans intuition is thicke!

6)i kno i shouldnt be feelin like this cuz thats not me anymore...but its not that im mad about the girl...as much as im mad at him lying about it

7)im also mad at that lie, it was horrible

8)but is it a lie?

9)what does he take me for? an idiot? i clearly wasnt born this morning...

10)the list goes on and in and on

iight let me know what yall think, i know its long but...yeah my bad