main joint...

Word:
sin·gle
Pronunciation:
\ˈsiŋ-gəl\
Function:
adjective
Definition:
1 a: not married b: of or relating to celibacy

Single is such a vague term nowadays.I mean like, growing up it always meant Hey are you single?? 'no I'm not in a relationship' and 'yeah, you have a chance to become that relationship that i'm not in right now'.It's not like we were thinkina bout marriage back then. But now there are so many effin exceptions to the rule.

I have come up with a few classifications of the single man. There's the single and not ready to mingle anytime soon, there's the single just so i can say i am, and there's the actually single..

ActuallySingle is the guy that will approach you and genuinely want something from you. Whether it's to fuck or actually get to know you better. Thing about these dudes is... some are good for you and some are bad. Just because they're actually single doesn't mean they're looking not to be. Girls get that effed up. Some ActuallySingle dudes are lookin for a girl and some aren't. These guys are single by definition.. no strings attached.

Single(So I Can Say I Am) might just be the worst single guy out there. These are the guys that are technically single but really they got this main joint that might as well be their girlfriend. These dudes aren't in a relationship because either... there's distance between him and her, she doesn't want to commit, or just so he can say he is single when he is at the club and meets YOU yet he has no intention of getting very far.

SingleNoMingle is the guy that just got out of a long term relationship and doesn't want to have a girl friend anytime soon .yadda yadda yahhh you've heard it before. this is the guy that is hurt.. and is morphing into a woman-usin asshole. the good thing about the SingleNoMingle guys is you can try to save him and be there for him in his time of need and all that gooshy stuff... be patient... he'll come around and become ActuallySingle.

"here we go yo, here we go yo, so what so what so what's the scenario"

Scenario 1:

I met a Single(So I Can Say I Am) at the club last week. Ok.. ok... I know! Red flag... I met a guy at the club whatever... I'm over it. ANYWAY, I met him at the club.. we danced, exchanged numbers, been textin' it up, you know gettin' to know each other through eGame... but then I did some research.. [via FaceBook of course] and this dude has a main joint. Like chick has been aroun for yeeeaaarrrrssss... [yes i did some hardcore investigatin] and she still is.. he has yet to mention her though but i mean i understand that cuz he's still feelin me out. But does this mean I have no chance from the jump?

Scenario 2:

Me and another Single(So I Can Say I Am) accidently fell into each others lips at this party but we were like just good friends. But after that night we realized that I mean whoa we could have feelings for each other. When we sobered down and discussed it a few days later, he told me about how technically he was single but he ain't gon lie to me... he's been seriously 'talking' to this girl for a while now.. [i'm guessin' this is one of those joints where the chick don wanna commit] but he still wanted to talk to me and see where it could go.
Uhm.... false.
I wasn't about to agree to be the other woman! are you kidding me??!!? And in my mind, he was puttin limitations on where we could go from the jump so... what was the point? Was it possible that he was gettin' sick of her and I coulda been that straw to break the camels back?

SO those are our scenarios. Advice greatly appreciated and shit.

WHOLE TIME
I'm just tryina be somebodys main joint.
All I'm tryina do
is be somebodys main boo..
All I'm tryina be
is somebodys main squeeze
can i get an Amen?!?
Y'all don't hear me..

Adapted from JazzyBooBoo's Blog: Boys, Dogs and Men

Okay, so today I broke up with my boyfriend of 2years and 2 months... but i feel fine. not the fucked-up, INsecure, Emo fine, but the I feel okay fine... I mean, we been on this slippery slope...down hill of course, so I've been expecting to break up with him for a while. I was guna do it after the holidays tho b/c the holidays are sposed to be happy and stuff. Plus, his ex-broke up with him about 2 years ago...around xmas... I shoulda known it wasnt guna work out by how the relationship started. Anywhoo, moving on... Okay so, speaking of the DEVIL, his ex...yeah, she ruined him. Str8 up fucked him all over...the stupid slut. But anyway...im jus sayin this because I guess im jus now realizin that you really cant FIX a ruined man. I tried to, and it didnt work out. So now im single and ready to mingle... I thought id be heart broken... but im not. Im just a lil bitter sweet. Bitter because I did EVERYTHING a good... no FUCK good... a GREAT girl friend should do. I was there for him, in whatever he wanted to do, be it with the relationship or life wise, I supported him, I waited a year and a half for him to even ASK ME OUT!!! shit! If that doesnt say enough, what does? He was my first real relationship, my first love. We share the same habbits (dont drink, dont smoke) but not the same life goals (I will get married and have children, he wont). Im a go getter... im determined to be a lawyer and make my way to DA, I dont care how many years of schooling I need. He has settled for what career field he can go into with credits from fucking MC! I could go on forever...but i wont. I just dont understand how I gave him ALL my time, ALL my energy, ALL my love, ALL my everything... and got SHIT back in return... but it's w/e. I know that God puts people in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime...he wass just my reason, that stretched into a season. I honstly dont think it was sposed to go as far as it did. But what more can I say...idk... HE BETTER NOT CALL ME TONIGHT EITHER! shit...im a bitter mad angry black woman now... sike jkjk he's not guna ruin it for the next man, I wont let him... I really do hope that he finds someone that he's willing to change for one day tho... IDK y it wasnt me, guess im not pretty, young, or hispanic enough (like his ex... shes like 16...she was 14 when he dated her... and he was like 18... sick shit... i shoulda known! I SHOULDA KNOWN!!!) PS-sorry if there are any type-o's... im not in the editing mood...

How can I even survive?...

Day by day, living these.. lies.
Becoming the people I once despised.
Knowing she'll look up into my eyes,
Wanting to heighten, wanting to grow,
wanting to become the only woman she knows.
While I'm fakin' innocence, yelling "Yay, for mankind!"
Recycling, praising God, tellin her, "Say no to crime!
Don't smoke, don't drink, don't steal, don't lie,
Never become dependent cuz you don't NEED a guy,
Close your legs after marriage is the time
Just focus on books and you'll be fine"
Should she do as I say even though I've failed?
Learn from my mistakes, just don't follow my trail?
And please never use my past as an excuse?
Take it, prove them wrong put it to good use?
Never take my past and use it against me?
Make me this promise, persevere unrelenting?
Or maybe I should change or atleast try..
To remember each action is followed by her eyes...

You guys already know I need a title.. Lol.

I'm In Love

Today I saw two bands perform. Invisible Inc and Ill-Literacy and I AM IN LOVE.
Fall in love with me...

I'll add some of their music at the end of this blog but now I must introduce you to my husband.

B.Coles? Doesn't he look/talk/act like Mike Clark a lil bit?
This is Mike Clark guys...

I decided that I need to be at an arts school like, seriously... Coming from James Hubert Blake High School, with a signature program in the Fine Arts and Humanities.. I was surrounded by a lot more artsy people.. but when I wanna make music videos up here, people look at me like i'm dumb. c'mon guys... bask... in life.. or something.. idk... i'm on an ill-literacy high..

The band that opened for them, Invisible Inc was amazing as well [[i couldn't find much info about them on the net]] but lemme tell you they are AMAZING... three dorky white boys that catch you by surprise.. the lead raps with a lisp, the other two make all of the beats, switching off on instruments and autotune it was amazing.. like, off some ryan leslie type ish but.. different of course.. i was just referring to that youtube vid of ryan leslie making the entire addiction beat alone.. in one sitting. [haven't seen it? well aren't i convenient?]

I need to get on my shit.
I could have been near famous by now.
ok so i lied.. i can't embed any of their stuff from like anywhere so you guys are just gonna have to check them out on your own..
while you're checking people out.. check out my girl Muhsinah..
like literally, my girl, from the DMV, her music is very.. well.. different
similar to theat of Janelle Monae..
but yes she is about to blow up.. both of those ladies are...

JUST FOUND SOME iNViSIBLE iNC STUFF!

Today's Observations

[they're actually from yesterday but it was a long night]
Yesterday I had a lot of contemplative time. I was on the T for an extremely long time, trekking to Cambridge, MA only to have to turn around and come right back.. <-That's a blog in itself. Anywho, I made a few observations while I was out.

The first is, homeless people stink a lot. I'm sick and I can't smell most scents or taste most food but the stench of this man almost threw me onto the tracks. Seriously like, it was a problem. To add to it, his entire ass was hangin out of his pants.. (maybe that's where the stench came from)

I also came across some interesting people on the train.. I had a seat from the jump because BC is the end of the line.. So when it started getting crowded everyone was above me, u know? Well as it gets crowded this short, hairy faced, Hispanic dude, looked about 22, he like dodged traffic and jumped hurdles to stand over in my little area. No lie. So I turn my body outward so that people won't like.. think we're together cuz he was real close and he was like holding the bar that was over my head and I was just.. uncomfortable.. To make it worse, he starts singing! Not humming a tune but like legit belting whatever was in his headphones. And to drag more attention to himself, his phone starts ringing all loudly but he can't hear it because he has headphones in AND he's singing and I was just upset. So, I read. Yes, I'm one of those losers that read on the T.

What else did i see? Hmm. Oh yeah! I realize that those fitted caps, new era, etcc... they are so misleading. You will think a guy looks sooo goood and as soon as he takes off his hat his forehead is 5 inches higher than you expected, or his hair line is extremely wide or he has a widow's peak.. and then you're disappointed. SO ladies, before you get in too deep with a guy make sure you've seen him without his hat. Something I've noticed about life in general is that 'i don't want to be in a relationship right now' crap is bullhair.
Yes, bullhair.
truth is whether or not someone says they want a relationship, when they find that special someone that they can't pass up on, their mind will change. Point blank. So if you're at that inbetween stage with someone, where you want a relationship but they 'don't want a relationship right now' for whatever reason, forget about them. Either letting them go will make them chase you and realize that they like.. want you.. or this will save you from a long line of disappointment and misery.
Cuz most of the time, even if it's subconscious, the reason they don't want a relationship is because you're not the full package, or not enough of the package to change their mind. They still have a wandering eye that they aren't willing to turn to you, they aren't willing to give up their right to search. But if you are in this situation, don't force anythingg.. Cuz that's how people end up cheating on people.

today i was watching akeelah and the bee and... it brought me back to Jett Jackson days. I just want to put out a PSA... if anyone knows Lee Thompson Young or anyone that looks just like him... Please put me on. Because even tho I 'don't want a relationship right now' I'd drop that.. for him.

siiiigh....

MY NEW FAV. SONG!

"you ain't gotta take ya panties off just move em to the side"
This song is called I Like to Fuck by Hot Rod Feat. Tila Tequila and B.Dozer

"pretty bitch lights on ugly bitch lights off"
you HAVE to see the lyrics... like... they say 'Chaka Khan' and 'Michael Jackson' in the background... it's CRAYYYZEE... don't you hate when dumb songs have great beats??
"suckin on my titties so milky"
WOW
but on a more serious note...
this is my new favorite song/artist
his voice is UHH-mazing

Good Change. Bad Change.

Both unfamiliar with our surroundings, we tip toe through love land's
unknown. we were anxious to explore, yet cautiously avoiding routes of temptation
and lust.. attempting to lengthen our connection's innocence..
we proceed with caution into each other's lives.

as if "fragile, handle with care" was projected from my eyes, he gently lifts me above my doubts,
allowing him to receive the benefit of it.

destination unknown.

I smile, gazing above at the possiblities til a glimpse of reality shoots across the sky.
Leaning in to taste his promises I suddenly pull back.
Illegitimate concerns and fear enter my veins, spreading to the vessels of my heart.
"Put me down" I asked,
"Where did you think you were taking me? You're trying to take advantage
of my vulnerability, you see that I'm naive." though this was only my worries taking over me.
So I escaped back to the familiarity, structure, and repitition of pre-Love Land's life.
Fearing change of location.
Comfortable in my current being yet oblivious to opportunities outside of it.
Settling for okay, afraid extraordinary is non-existent.

He desires to search the land for change, for something less mechanic than the usual.
I tell him to continue his journey but he refuses to depart alone.
I tell him to find another co-pilot but he insists...

I must leave with him.

Now familiar with the prelude of our surroundings we walk a little less cautiously.
Taking one or two shortcuts down roads of infatuation and passion.
We return to the main road, attempting to regain our connection's innocence,
realizing we can never get it back.
now we're forced to proceed with a different form of caution
including contraceptives and control.
the "fragile, handle with care" fades to black as a new scene begins titled
"hurt me".
He lifts me above my doubts with his lies, allowing him to receive the best of me.
I smile again, gazing above at hollow possibilities til a glimpse of reality shoots across the sky.
I ignore the signs and lean in to taste his promises.
Legitimate concerns and fear didn't even brush my skin.
"Never put me down" I asked.
Giving him an open door to drop me, take advantage of my vulnerabilty.
Blinded by mislabeled love I blocked everything else out.
He was becoming my familiarity, structure, and repitition
and i feared change of location.
Comfortable with my current being yet oblivious to opportunities outside of him.
Settling for him, thinking there's nothing better.
Until the day he desires to search the land for change,
for something less mechanic than me.
I tell him I will go with him but he refuses to take me with him.
I tell him I'm the perfect co-pilot but he insists...

I must be left behind.

I fell from a high place into hologramic arms.
Leaving me landed, alone and bruised.


Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

JANET! [the first and second] combined

Didnt see the first Janet post?? Click Here.

Livin' In Perfect Harmony

Today we're going to talk about the good stuff.

Love, relationships maybe some sex. You know, all that good stuff. I have a couple topics I want to discuss that have been heavy on my mind. These include, biracial couples, dating people with heavy accents, or dating a person that primarily speaks another language. I also want to hit the topics of liking the idea of someone verse actually liking them. That will also include someone having potential verse someone having something special. And last but def. not least.. dating athletes... Let's get it.

Bi-Racial Couples

He better get it.

Lol.

I have no problem with bi-racial couples. Matter fact, I want to marry an Asian man so my kids can look like Amerie. no suh, see that's the problem right there. I feel like some ghetto black broads date outside their race because they want their kids to have good hair and a nice complexion. I don't know about you but, that pisses me the fvck off. If you were to date outside your race, what would be your reasoning??

I know for me, I am actually attracted to guys of a lot of different races. I don't know how people can straight up say.. I only talk to white girls or I only talk to black and Spanish guys like.. You never know what is gonna appeal to your eye. And you def. never know what's gonna appeal to your heart. My roommate is always talking about how theres no such thing as liking only light skin black boys or only liking dark skin black boys. And she's right, maybe you usually pull light skin black boys or they catch your eye first but eventually there will be a dark skin boy that you find absolutely gorgeous. You can't limit yourself.

And I try not to limit myself but... It's like guys outside my race(s) don't take me seriously. We've all been through it. You approach a group of your caucasian associates and they all start trying to 'act black' "What's Up DAWG!" and they try to dap you up.. Or they try to 'act black' by saying "Shooot" or "Girrrrrl" and it's like you don't have to change they way you act because a black person has approached you. It pisses me off yo. Because what if I was genuinely interested in you. I can't even get past that interest because you feel like you can't be yourself, or have to be someone else when you're around me. Are black girls just too unapproachable? or intimidating?

Hell, sometimes I feel intimidated. A lot of people stick with their culture group. Hispanics tend to date hispanics [and stay with them forever] asians usually date asians.. And when I have a genuine attraction for either a hispanic guy or an asian guy I feel like even if they are being themselves around me, they'd never take it past the friendship level to anything serious because I'm not hispanic or asian or cape verdean. Is this true? Honestly with the hispanic and asian aspect of it.. Sometimes I feel inferior to the hispanic and asian females I'm 'competing' against [for lack of better words]. They're beautiful. Can a hispanic or asian guy see beauty in me, even though I'm not hispanic or Asian??

Maybe they think the same thing that I think about them. Maybe they're afraid that I don't date out of my culture. But hell, I don't know how anyone can look at me and say that. I'm mixed with so many things. Geez. Do you guys think I could bag a Hispanic or Asian guy tho?? How do I know if he's taking me seriously?

It shouldn't be about this. right? Like, we should like people for what they are inside and all that corny junk. But the truth is, attraction is the first step. I don't care what anyone says, relationships with people you aren't attracted to DON'T WORK! I've been there, tried that.

All of these black and white people dating each other are the beginning of a melting pot and soon enough everyone should be able to date everyone but right now I'm still intimidated when it comes to approaching a Hispanic or Asian guy.

Accents

I've always straight up said if I found a black guy with a British accent panties would drop immediately, not literally but you get the point. I think British accents are soooo HOT! And French guys with nice bods and long hair are hot too.. So I started making the generalization that guys with accents were hot. Boy, was I wrong.

Over the past few weeks, I have encountered two new accents. I met a kid from the Ivory Coast whose accent was mixed with a Boston accent and it was just... strange.
I also met a kid from Nigeria and it was just... gross..

What sucks is, they were both very attractive males but I couldn't get past the accent.
Am I shallow?

The fact that I can't get past something on the outside? I mean it's almost the same as the people that don't date outside their race or complexion. I don't date outside my accent with the exception of a hot British guy.
Would you be embarrassed of a guy or girl with a gross accent? Like, in public.

It's almost the same as dating a straight guy that's kind of.. flamboyant. You'd be a little embarrassed. Or dating a guy that couldn't dress... at all.

What's acceptable and what isn't. What do I need to get over and what requirements do I keep?
And seriously, am I shallow?

Different Language

This also goes back to the bi-racial thing and like how.. people of the same cultures tend to associate with each other. If you aren't a part of that culture and like, your boyfriend brings you to a family event or to like the meeting for the Korean club like, how do you know if people are talking shit when they're speaking Korean? Can I just state a fact, if you and the significant other don't speak the same language at all, it's not going to work, period. But I'm talking about if the other person speaks say, Spanish to his roommates or most of his friends. Wouldn't you feel left out?? Wouldn't it just make your insecurities worse or create concerns??

This isn't about language but like... How do you deal with it when you're significant other is like.. really nice ...to everyone. Opens doors, carries things, tutors, touches that spot on their lower back [not too high where it's just friends but not too low where it's I just want some ass. Hitch anyone?]. And how do you deal with it when all of his friends... that he's nice too... are GORGEOUS and awesome... Lol. I guess you just have to trust the fact that.. he's with you right. Meaning he made a choice to be with you.. when he could have chosen her. Right? Then why do guys cheat? Or have things on the side? Like, don't make it official if you have other prospective bun joints. Because once you make that commitment.. I'm trusting that you chose me. Right?

Liking Someone VS Liking the Idea of Them

I could argue about this topic for hours but basically, we all have an ideal girlfriend or boyfriend in mind right... Like I want my husband to be taller than me with my heels on.. Nice body, humorous, relationship with God, into performance, visual and fine arts, in touch with his emotions, confident, etc. So when I find someone that meets my criteria, I think I like them but really.. I just like the idea of them..

Someone that fits your criteria has potential.. Having potential doesn't mean that he's the one. It means he fits the criteria and he's convenient... There is a certain 'it' factor that one must have to be the one. He could also have 'it' and not have potential. There could be something about him that draws me in yet he could have a girlfriend, or dress weird, or be short.

My problem is deciding whether or not I actually like someone, or if I just like the idea of them. Do you have to like the idea of someone BEFORE you begin to like them?

I don't think so. I think you have to like the idea of someone before you get into a relationship with them but I don't think liking the idea of someone is a prerequisite for just liking them. I have liked the idea of a few people at BC but no one has 'it' yet. I've even begun to like some people that I like the idea of but still not 'it' factor. Am I wasting my time if I entertain these 'it'-less guys? Or should I just wait until I find someone with the 'it' factor??

Dating Athletes

you guys remember my article about dating freshman... I feel like when it comes to dating athletes, everyones the Freshmen.

Why do we classify athletes in such a separate category? Have their actions given themselves this rep or have our assumptions of them forced them to act this way?

I feel like I came to college with this huge mentality that every male athlete was going to be an asshole.. I feel like there are definitely a few male athletes that have proved me right but I also feel like I am witnessing the transformation.
Some of them start off as nice guys, but when bitties with raging hormones get athlete-happy what do they expect? To get treated like a lady? Oh yeah, here's my pussy on a platter. Athlete: no, no I can't accept that. YEAH RIGHT! It grows to the point that they expect pussy on a platter, from every female.. because SOO many females are handing it over. And when you're that girl that's like.. Suck your dick? What?! Nigha, hell no! You think he's an asshole because of how he approached you. And yes, i agree, he was out of place but, what did you expect when every other female is like "I'll do whatever you liike". Are there any athletes that don't transform?? Or are they all bound to be assholes...

By the way, as friends a lot of them are madd cool but I'm talking about relationship wise.


I asked a lot of questions..
So here they are conveniently posted again for your convenience lol.
You don't have to answer like all of them or anything, you don't get a grade for this or anything. I'm just interested in what other people think about this...


*1*If you were to date outside your race, what would be your reasoning?

*2*Are black girls just too unapproachable? or intimidating?

*3*Can a hispanic or asian guy see beauty in me, even though I'm not hispanic or Asian?

*4*Do you guys think I could bag a Hispanic or Asian guy tho?

*5*How do I know if he's taking me seriously?

*6*Am I shallow?

*7*What requirements are acceptable and what aren't. What do I need to get over and what requirements do I keep?

*8*If the other person speaks say, Spanish to his roommates or most of his friends. Wouldn't you feel left out?? Wouldn't it just make your insecurities worse or create concerns??

*9*How do you deal with it when you're significant other is really nice to all of his friends that are gorgeous and awesome?

*10*He made a choice to be with you.. when he could have chosen her. Right? Then why do guys cheat? Or have things on the side?

*11*Do you have to like the idea of someone BEFORE you begin to like them?

*12*Am I wasting my time if I entertain these 'it'-less guys? Or should I just wait until I find someone with the 'it' factor??

*13*Why do we classify athletes in such a separate category? Have their actions given themselves this rep or have our assumptions of them forced them to act this way?

*14*Are there any athletes that don't transform?


Totally forgot to ask about sex with people from other races and cultures... what's it like? is it much different? anyone have any crazy sex stories with people of other cultures? You can be anonymous if you want.

And if you haven't read season of love... please do.. you can click it..

10 Things I Hate....

10 things i hate...

in general.

I was in such a great great great GREAT mood today ya'll...
I ate breakfast for once..
I didn't fall asleep in any of my classes.. [[big ups]]
Did some major Office episode catching up wit my man S-Diggy...
Did karaoke to Temptations in the dining hall...
Wasn't sore..
Got out of practice early....
And then.
It went downhill..
Something about my entire mood just took a turn. Maybe it was the
swelling of my shins.. Maybe it was the lonely trek back to upper
campus... Or maybe.. just maybe it was the fact that.. I try..

I try so hard. I make efforts to spend time with ppl, to catch up, to
make arrangements. I consider others when I have free time but like..
yo... if you're busy... let me know... respond to my text with a, 'yeah
I'm out of practice but yadda yadda yahh'. Don't just.. NOT respond at
all and let me walk in to the dining hall and see ya ass right there...
Where you could have easily... just simply.. returned my text... And
then people wonder why I don't hit them up when I'm on lower campus.
Nigha, make yourself available to me sometimes. Its a two way street..
I'm not about to be breakin my back to spend time wit NObody. Its not
worth it.
Did I get chopped and screwed??
Remember my last courage to know blog? [ill link it later] Where at the
end I described that the cherry on the sundae was seeing himm in the
quad? That's who I'm talking about. And yeah that's probably why my
sodium is like OD right now but still like.. u just don't do that and
his ass got caught that nigha aint expect to see me stroll up in the
diner on his ass.. tried to pretend he was still in practice. nigha
please..

who's next?...

lol. ok so that's one thing I hate... you know what else I hate?? I hate
when I'm in the middle of a conversation and someone like pulls the
person I'm talking to away from me. Not even saying like.. can I borrow
so and so for a second? I mean literally walking up and like yanking
them away. And the worse ones are when you were by yourself talking to
this person.. then they get yanked and you're stuck in that 'wait a
second'-dumbfounded mode for like a good 3 seconds before you actually
walk away... yeah I hate that.. so rude. ESPECIALLY when the person that
does the yanking is not someone you're fond of...

You know what yall... I'm in that complaining mood so lets just go down
the line..

8 things I hate in general:
[[it was last minute idea so I don't have 10 for yall, unless you want a
repeat of muffin tops]]


1) when people don't respond to texts and they could
por ejemplo my long draw out story above
*********************************************************

2) when people yank away the person you're talking to
***********************************************************

3)food in teeth AND NO ONE TELLS YOU...
hell if I have something in my teeth yall better let me know. don't be
scared! shit! even if its as small as the little seeds in strawberries!
yank my ass to the side and be like.. Jasmin.. you better get it (that's
for KnowDat and Leah).. Especially if its broccoli..
****************************************************************

4)lint on clothes GET A LINT BRUSH..
my nigha, duct tape. if u don't have a lint brush u better get some duct
tape and call it a effin day. I even used scotch tape once like.. don't
walk out the house with something linty on... atleast make an effort to
remove the lint from the clothing. can I get an amen?
*****************************************************************

5)crooked paintings
ok this might be my OCD. yall know I'm OCD right? Its a mild case tho..
lemme give an example.. when I'm eating colored candies like skittles or
mike and ikes or something... I have to take them 2 at a time.. of the
same color.. one for each side of my mouth.. and I count the number of
times I swipe the deoderant stick and it has to be even.. everything has
to be even.. especially crooked paintings. doesn't it bother you like..
cmon...
***********************************************************************

6)sarah palin
I'm so happy her ass got tackled
*****************************************************************

7)lipstick on teeth
this is just bad as the food in teeth like.. let a sista know if her
lipstick is on her teeth... especially if she's laughin and carryin on
like that shits cute.. no... don't let her do it man.. or what she needs
is that ever last tipe joint that lasts all day or whatever. hell who
even uses lipstick anymore?!? [other than boston colleges marching band
dance team GOT EM] hell I don't even use lip GLOSS I take my chapstick,
carmex or vaseline [its gettin cold outside yall better invest in some]
and call it a day! holla!
**********************************************************

8)the ush bush
ok...
can I just say... if u are in college.. hell if you are in highschool.
and your hair isn't already long... don't try to grow it out now.. IT IS
TOO LATE don't do it. That's what middle school was for.. the ush bush
is that inbetween stage.. when a guys hair is too long to be attractive
yet too short to do anything with and it is the absolute worse
hairstyle... well it comes in third to the rat tail and the mullet...
but like, all the football players here and like tryina grow out there
hair. nighas wit naps are tryina grow an inch and get it to curl up like
bobby valentino.. nigha no... no no no.
************************************************************

And can I just say..
I don't HATE pumpkin pie. But like.. it just doesn't compare to sweet
potatoe pie and.. people get it TWISTED!
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

For the ladies.

Before.

Corbin Bleu has alwasy been good looking. I don't care what anyone says. But something about his femininity had always been a turn off. But now, Corbin Bleu has changed. Something about him has masculinity. I think it's the facial hair.

After.

Something about having hair on his face has made me renew my obsession.

I don't know if it's like his stache brings out his lips? I don't know what it is.

Like tell me there's not something about the facial hair that makes you wanna smack this b.

ya'll know she's like 30 right?

And look he's on a motorcycle. How effin HAWT is that?

He can ride me on that anytime, shooot.

Season of Love

So.. I told you guys about this blog idea a while ago. Not in depth or anything but I definitely mentioned it. I also asked you guys to read Crucial Cuddling Time [didn't read it? Click it.] My reasoning being the article I am about to write is extremely similar to that one that was wrtitten. and I won't have to repeat myself as much. Ya know?

Fun Fact:

Most birthdays are in the summer.

Fuck the term 'summer love'. I think I'm going to call summer love like... boredom boo's. The only reason you grab a boo joint is because you have nothing to do and you're lonely and you're bored. And you end up bunned up, cakin', boo lovin' because of how bored you are. And no, I am not saying this out of bitterness with HeartBreak [don't know who that it? damn. tough.] Even though I am still lightly salted about that one.. but I looked back over each summer.. and each and every summer since I was in sixth grade, I've had a summer joint. And he's solely lasted the summer. Summer joints or boredom boo's don't last. They just don't. That's why most birthdays are in the summer. 

Hear me out.

It  takes 9months to have a baby. This we all know. And for the sake of my point we are disregarding pre-mees. This means most of ya'll knuckelheads [yes, I called all of you knuckelheads] were conceived of in september, october or november. For the slow people, I'm trying to say that people be gettin' it IN in the fall, yo. And it's more than just a boredom boo. 

People get into like... relationships and shit.

 And I bet we're all witnessing it.

I know up here it's getting cold. We'll probably have snow within the next four weeks.

People aren't gonna be wanting to go out all the time. Hell, it's gonna be a hike to the dining hall. They're gonna want that one chick or one dude to wrap up. That one chick or dude to cuddle wit. To have a a room other than their own to chill in.

There's something about the orange and yellow leaves falling that makes you want to fall in love. There's something about that sharp, brisk breeze that makes you want to cuddle.

Who wants to sleep alone?

I know I don't.

....to remember

"i'll say congratulations then, i'll fade into the background"
-neyo

I was watching A Walk to Remember this weekend [[Yeah, I was bawlin for those of you that read my FB status]] and it made me think of HeartBreak [<-don't know who heart break is? youcan click that].
I mean, I wasn't a lukemia diagnosed dork on my death bed but I was a homeless yet college bound student that had to move away. So, Jamie and I shared that 'limited time' aspect of everything. And also like Jamie, I had a bucket list[don't know what that is? click it].
Before I left Maryland, there were a bunch of things I wanted to do and he knew every single one of them. He was my best friend before he was anything else. He cared a lot about me.
For those of you that know me, you know I'm pretty corny. I wanted to do things like, go to one of those pottery painting places and have a picnic. He made them happen. For those eight days, he was at my service giving me the best-last week in Maryland as possible.
I'm starting to see now that he would have done these things even if we didn't have feelings for each other. And I think that's partially where I got mixed up. These weren't acts of courting or any type of chivalry it was plain-old assistance. He just was helping me with my to-do list, if you think about it. I mean, I hate to dumb it down to that but, it's true!
Especially, now that I see him doing these things on his own with her. I wanted to be what she is to him so bad. Maybe too bad.

"I find myself wishing that you'd want to love again when looking in my eyes, wishing that my smile makes you wanna do surprises..." "I find myself thinking I can somehow prompt this change, thinking I can somehow save you from your past pain...."

I don't think I had ever felt so certain about anything in my life. It was crazy, the signs were there. Ridiculous signs, things that happen in movies. Shit that someone would have to have written for it to be possible. I just can't get over the fact that the signs were somehow wrong.
I know before in 'I Figured it Out'[wanna read it? click it] I said that I was probably placed in his life to assist him in moving on from his ex but I just can't get over it like... There was something there. It was so fvcking... like... it was definitly there, there's no denying. Was it just convenience? I don't know.
He called me yesterday. And I just sat there staring at the phone lighting up playing my Gym Class Heroes ringtone
"she says she loves me but she comes and goes as she pleases; when the door shuts, its like another papercut and im stuck with a hand full of band-aids until she comes back around like the ceiling fan blades"
I can't answer the phone. I mean, I could. I just didn't feel like being fake at the moment. I didn't feel like faking a smile, faking a laugh, acting like everything was alright, breathing in to utter the words, "how's [[gf's name here]] doing? oh, that's good".
I also didn't want to answer while I was around people, sounding as if I'm having an effin blast. I don't want him to think I've moved on, like he's totally out the picture. Don't get me wrong I moved on with my life socially but I can't deny the daily cameo of him, of us, of our memories together that arrive in my mind.
I have to suck it up.
I have to realize that I just don't exist ::in that way:: with him anymore. But speaking to him, is so hard to do without automatically assuming that position. One of the biggest things is talking about music. Him telling me about new songs, me doing the same for him. That was something special between us and it just isn't the same.
I wish I never accepted his friend request. Having him appear on my news feed is so tempting. And as I glide my mouse to the link I know I'm setting myself up for disappointment. Like, i know what could be on the page but clicking it just finalizes it for me. It rubs it in as well. Why do I even do that to myself? I don't like crying.
I don't know how Neyo does it.
I haven't been able to utter 'congratulations'
...yet
[[cop his album btw.. good shit]]

"She's with somebody else and now all I can do is smile and fade into the background
I'll say congratulations and I'll fade into the background"
-neyo 'Fade Into the Background'

[don't know that song? click it]

For you guys...

I just want to take this space to thank the people that actually read AND COMMENT on my blog. I love you guys...
First and foremost, my inspiration and good friend InternetGoon.

http://www.internetgoon.blogspot.com
check it out!
annnd
B.Coles, Jermaine, Anya, Mexican, YouKnow, Tris, JuJu, and yes, even Joseph.

I love making people laugh and this [below] is what I like to see/hear.

A lot of you have hit me up on FB or in person SAYING you read it but hey... If you want a shout out I need a comment. Love you guys... I do this for you.

I figured it out...

So i was going through some of my own facebook notes just now, and I came across one I wrote a while back for a friend of mine, to help him get over his girlfriend.. Soon after that, I fell for him myself, only to be the one hurt in the end. And now, looking back at the note, I see that it's time for me to take my own advice. The note read:

Ex-Factor


Remember having loose teeth when we were little? And how sometimes we’d let it dangle on a string for as long as we could to avoid having that gap in our mouth…
“it could all be so simple, but you rather make it hard, loving you is like a battle, and we both end up scarred”
Bear with me and this analogy. Losing teeth is something that everyone has to go through, it may feel like you’re the only one losing them, or experiencing the pain, but reality is everyone loses teeth, and as children we make the process more complicated then it has to be, because of fear.
We are so used to those teeth in our mouth, just like you’ve grown accustom to that person in your life. But when teeth start to dangle, when the relationship between the two of you is no longer solid, it is time to lose that tooth. Feel me?Keeping the tooth in your mouth does nothing but cause a collision when a new tooth tries to grow in, you’ll never be able to find someone else with the other person still dominating your life, you’ll never be able to open up fully, again.
“is this just a silly game, that forces you to act this way?”
The funny thing about this is the tooth like dangling there, it feels like it’s still attached in some sort of way however, that’s not where it wants to forever be. Letting a lose tooth dangle in your mouth ain’t helping you, I mean yeah you have the comfort of still having a tooth there but… meanwhile she’s tryina be in someone elses mouth ;-)
“no matter how I think we grow you always seem to let me know, it ain’t workin”
You can try to ask that tooth to stay in your mouth, try to stand it up again, but once it starts to dangle… that tooth is coming out. Everytime you try to create a solid relationship with them again, there’s a reason, an excuse, a circumstance that keeps it from happening. Wouldn’t you think that’s a sign in itself?
“..and when I try to walk away you hurt yourself to make me stay, this is crazy”
Yet, they still want to dangle in your mouth. Which only hurts the both of you. Why would someone want to dangle a prize in front of you for so long and never give to, never let you have it knowing not having it is hurting you? The person is thinking selfishly, they are thinking about they’re own comfort, of always having a mouth to come back to, but reality is, if they really wanted to stay in that mouth, they never would have started to dangle, or become unsure about things.
“I keep letting you back in, how can I explain myself? As painful as this thing has been, I just can’t be with no one else”
You know I’m right. But you just keep letting it happen. It’s hard. I hope I’m acting as the string tied to the door as you read this, to help yank that tooth out of your mouth because it ain’t healthy. You can do it. It only bleeds for a little while, there’s only a gap for a little while, but you gotta create room for new, permanent teeth to grow in.
There’s a tooth under those bleeding gums, you just gotta create space in your life for it to come in. You ca always save it underneath your pillow, in your memories, but take it out of your heart..
“see I know what we’ve got to do, you let go and I let go too”
-Lauryn Hill

baby teeth are baby teeth for a reason. they teach you how to maintain a tooth in your mouth, but they can't do for you what a permanent tooth can. this analogy was really far fetched but it did the trick!

And it did the trick again. But this time for me.
I kept asking myself why I had to face this heartache.
Like, everything happens for a reason, right?
Then.. why did this happen? Better yet, how did I let this happen for the second time?
But I realize now that it wasn't in my hands.
And sometimes we are put into peoples lives for seasons or lifetimes.. for a purpose.
It could be a purpose to help yourself, but sometimes it's to help them.
And I think my duty was fulfilled in his life.
I just made the mistake of confusing purpose with destiny.
And thought I was suppose to be with him when no,
I was just supposed to aid him for a season of his life.
And the sooner I close this chapter of my life,
The sooner the next one can open..

See Where I'm Coming From...

A lot of you probably think that last one was kinda random and that I'm
just being one of those "fuck love" females... but I wasn't always this
way... below is one of my favorite poems from DefPoetry Jam..

THIS TYPE LOVE - Shihan

**I want a love like me thinking of you, thinking of me, thinking of you
type love**
or me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about
how I feel about you type love
or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to
yourself type love
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name.
And shit-
I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely
made it out of my garage.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder
if she's dreaming about us being in love type love
or who loves the other more or what she's doing at this exact moment or
slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts.
closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much
when she's not there and shit,
I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this-
I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she
never forgets how much I love her type love,
then not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love type love
and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel.
and I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of
them when they went through the same kind of love type love
The only difference is this is one of those real love type loves.
and just like in high school I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying
shit and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and
smell her all up in my covers type love.
and I wanna try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the
middle just so I could start all over again.
and I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though
they ain't really anniversaries but doing it just 'cause it makes her
happy type love.
and check this-
I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when our numbers
dial in type love
and talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but
with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me.
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to
something that allows me to talk to her longer 'cause in all honesty, I
want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
**and I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are. I mean
the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love you as long as
I'd like to type love**.
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how
strong this love is type love
and I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair. Well maybe
not all of the hair, maybe like I'd cut the split ends and trim my
mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for
her.
I kind of feel comfortable now so I even be **fantasizin about walking
out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose
my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get
treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with
you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type
love**
I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is.

Wasn't that cute? too bad guys aren't really like that... I found alll
these things I like wrote for him, lyrics, poems... just shit...

It hurts.
I have friends turning to me for advice, one friend just got dumped,
another one being the worst kinda lonely... and I can't help them
because I'm in the same boat.. I'm never in this boat. What.. the
fuck..

And is it weird that... the good times I had with him are enough to
say.. I'd do that shit all over again TWICE, even though it hurts that
much. the pain is worth it. and if crying every night and experiencing
continuos cameos of our memories is the price I have to pay for once
having him, then its worth the debt.
I just hope that next time,
I know that what I'm signing up before hand.
I hope I know the price.. beforehand.

an old poem I wrote that applies more than ever now...

tho were seperated by a handful of states
the distance doesn't compare
to how much I miss you when you're near,
but for me, you're not there
when you're beside me and I cant hold you
or have to stop my eyes, my mind, my lips
having to lurk my feelings in alleys
may be the worse way to 'miss'
having to think before I speak
having to censor the truth
having to hold back in midst of opportunity
having difficulty yet watching you
with ease forget or easily conceal
how you show and say you feel
my true goal is to never again have to hide
especially with our limited time..

ahhhhh he was great guys.
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

Love.

Man, love sucks.
Like.. no matter how good something seems
or as good as things are at first
they always go sour
always
without a doubt
and I've discovered that it isn't because guys are bad people
but its more because they're human
So, I'm looking for something to fall in love with.
I'm looking for something inhuman
something that can't hurt me
something that I can give my utmost love
something I can show that I am capable of loving
cuz guys
I have a lot to offer
I lot of love to offer
goooood lovin at that
and even when I've loved to the best of my abilities..
I've been let down
so I am going to show dance how much I love it
I am going to love dance unconditionally
whether its jazz tap ballet hip hop..
even that dumb ass shit I do on the football field..
I love dance
dance has always been there for me
in my times of need
when dudes have failed me
I could always head to an empty studio and dance
when I was going thru family drama
music always moved me to dance
dance isn't gonna hurt me

like he did

and if u think about it
keepin urself busy keeps ur minds off of things.
and if I become involved in enough things..
devote my life fully to God and dance..
he won't be on my mind as much.

somethin to think about.
...or not to think about.
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®