if you want it, come and get it. baby, i don't give a fuck.

YO!

Yes, i’m still alive. I would like to say that I haven’t posted mainly because I’ve been busy getting on my hw game..and although that is true to a large degree…that’s not the main reason. And I would also like to say that I haven’t posted because my life has been drama-free and I have nothing to write about...but that is certainly not the case. In fact, I have too much to write about. Friend drama, family drama, boy drama, A PROM?! It seems almost that my life has been in a craze since I got back from spring break..so much so that I can’t control my thoughts and emotions enough to verbalize them in a post. Something might happen that I want to blog about, and by the time I get around to blogging about it, my ideas and emotions have changed towards the subject and my inspiration is gone.

And I would just tell ya’ll whats going on..but last time I used examples from my personal life it blew up in my face and I got an angry “you blogged about me?” text. Lesson learned.

BUT PLEASE, don’t get the wrong idea. I realize that there’s really no excuse. I just felt the need to say a little somethin-somethin about my absence before I go on.

ALRIGHTY THEN.

As May rolls around, the temperature starts to rise, and people start to break out those summer dresses, shorts, and sandals, one can only think…is this school year REALLY over? What the FUCK happened since September. I mean, I know in retrospect everything seems to go by fast, but damn.

And as I look back on this past school year & the summer leading up to the school year (OTE) I’m blinded by all of the changes that have occurred in my relationships && more importantly my friendships. It’s crazy how many friends you can make and become close with in only a year, and how quickly those relationships can die out.

It’s like that child’s song “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other is gold”.

Well..what if they’re all silver? Or what if they were gold..then silver..then bronze? What if the “what are we doing tonight?” turns into the “what are you doing tonight?” which turns into the “how have you been?”?

I know about that all too well as it seems that’s been happening to me left and right. I know it’s natural for friendships to simmer away now and then…but there has to be a limit. I can handle not being able to manage a meaningful relationship at this point in my life…but a meaningful friendship?

But it’s crazy how similar friendships and relationships are in real life. I mean, no, no physical attraction need apply, but some of the simplest things that you would need in a relationship, you NEED in a friendship. Trust? Communication? The same sense of humor? I personally have never literally thought of those qualities when I consider somebody my friend, but now that I look back on it, the majority of friendships-gone-array have had to with one of those. Especially communication.

SO MANY TIMES in the past year I realized that I was the one maintaining the relationship. Now, I don’t mean they like didn’t like me as much as I like them or anything…but the little things. I realized that as soon as I stopped dropping by their room all the time, or texting them “hey”, or “what are you doing tonight”, then our communication as a whole pretty much died out. That shouldn’t happen. I realized that as soon as I stopped going out of my way to see people and I began to chill in my room by myself, then that’s exactly what I’d be doing – chillin in my room by myself. I pretty much set myself up to only chill with people that would hit me up as much as I would hit them up..but just because they were new or different friends, didn’t mean they were better friends. Don’t get me wrong..they weren’t and aren’t worse friends either. I just wish the song was “Make new friends, and keep the old. One is Gold and the other is..Gold” lol..

But yeah, I know I have to wrap this up. It’s like realllllll long, and I highly doubt anybody’s gonna read this whole thing =[

My last thought is this: If I’ve seen this much friendship-drama and narrowing my first year…what’s it gonna be like by senior year?

But anyways, if you’ve actually read this...comment? There’s so much to say on friendships, etc. And I’d like to know that I didn’t just totally procrastinate my final essay for nothing J

PEACEEEEEEE! DON’T CATCH SWINE FLU!

<3 mellow yellow.

musics: i couldn't think of anythin that really had to do with this topic..so i'm jus gonna post song i've been listening to a lot, lol