For you guys...

I just want to take this space to thank the people that actually read AND COMMENT on my blog. I love you guys...
First and foremost, my inspiration and good friend InternetGoon.

http://www.internetgoon.blogspot.com
check it out!
annnd
B.Coles, Jermaine, Anya, Mexican, YouKnow, Tris, JuJu, and yes, even Joseph.

I love making people laugh and this [below] is what I like to see/hear.

A lot of you have hit me up on FB or in person SAYING you read it but hey... If you want a shout out I need a comment. Love you guys... I do this for you.

Dame un becito...

ok...
not to toot my own horn but...
HONK.
yes this is gonna be one of those entries... a little, get 2knowjazzo
better... For those of you that know me [[or those of you that are
getting2know me]] you are realizing that I am far from ur ordinary or
average person and like I said in the beginning.. I call myself unique
but I'm more unique than all these other ppl that call themselves
unique. I'm a special case. The point I'm trying to make is...
I'm also refuse to be your typical, ordinary, run of the mill, garden
variety lover.
When school first begun.. ahhh it's a funny story actually. There was
this freshman football player from my hometown that was like trying to
talk to me. So I'm like, u know, giving him the time of day but I wasn't
initially attracted and I had this whole 'no athlete' thing going on..
so this cat ends up fallin for me.. like reaally fallin for me, over the
course of like 4 days. it was RE-DiC! I tried to break it to him like
yo, I don't see nothing more than a friendship between us, and he pulled
the FATE card on me. Sayin I was tryina block destiny from running its
course and some more stuff.
Then like the next week I had a lil mini crush on a different freshman
football player but I was trying to keep my distance cuz my roomate did
too.. but we ended up having a class together, sitting by each other,
doin homework together and a friend of mine is like... "be careful, cuz
apparently all you need is a few days with them" LITERALLY an hour later
he texts me talkina bout how he was wondering if we could get to know
each other and what not.
third case was in the beginning of the summer.. yes, I'm talking about
HeartBreak.. that is soooo gonna be his name for the record. He and I
weren't supposed to be anything more than friends because we were such
great friends and one of his bestfriends had something for me... but
literally 4 days after I told him I liked him.. I had him creepin so...
I don't know what it is.

And its funny cuz I can get past these first steps right. and after I
give them one kiss... I usually have them but.. getting past all of the
initial stuff.. and getting into something of substance has only
happened twice... both ending in regret free heartache. and its got me
thinking like... the number of guys that try to talk to me, or the
number of guys I can try to talk to doesn't matter... at all... its
about getting to that point of sharing something with ONE person..
Its happened twice and been wonderful, u know? and like I know I'm
capable, and I know I'm different, and I know I'm ready... Is it wrong
to want that connection again? To want to be able to share that special
relationship with someone?
Or does wanting too hard set urself up for failure? Does looking too
hard cause you to jump into things too quick, rush, and act on
impulses?
Or does not looking, make u overlook opportunities, and become oblivious
to potential lovers?
I don't even know ya'll.
Can I get some responses please?
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

I figured it out...

So i was going through some of my own facebook notes just now, and I came across one I wrote a while back for a friend of mine, to help him get over his girlfriend.. Soon after that, I fell for him myself, only to be the one hurt in the end. And now, looking back at the note, I see that it's time for me to take my own advice. The note read:

Ex-Factor


Remember having loose teeth when we were little? And how sometimes we’d let it dangle on a string for as long as we could to avoid having that gap in our mouth…
“it could all be so simple, but you rather make it hard, loving you is like a battle, and we both end up scarred”
Bear with me and this analogy. Losing teeth is something that everyone has to go through, it may feel like you’re the only one losing them, or experiencing the pain, but reality is everyone loses teeth, and as children we make the process more complicated then it has to be, because of fear.
We are so used to those teeth in our mouth, just like you’ve grown accustom to that person in your life. But when teeth start to dangle, when the relationship between the two of you is no longer solid, it is time to lose that tooth. Feel me?Keeping the tooth in your mouth does nothing but cause a collision when a new tooth tries to grow in, you’ll never be able to find someone else with the other person still dominating your life, you’ll never be able to open up fully, again.
“is this just a silly game, that forces you to act this way?”
The funny thing about this is the tooth like dangling there, it feels like it’s still attached in some sort of way however, that’s not where it wants to forever be. Letting a lose tooth dangle in your mouth ain’t helping you, I mean yeah you have the comfort of still having a tooth there but… meanwhile she’s tryina be in someone elses mouth ;-)
“no matter how I think we grow you always seem to let me know, it ain’t workin”
You can try to ask that tooth to stay in your mouth, try to stand it up again, but once it starts to dangle… that tooth is coming out. Everytime you try to create a solid relationship with them again, there’s a reason, an excuse, a circumstance that keeps it from happening. Wouldn’t you think that’s a sign in itself?
“..and when I try to walk away you hurt yourself to make me stay, this is crazy”
Yet, they still want to dangle in your mouth. Which only hurts the both of you. Why would someone want to dangle a prize in front of you for so long and never give to, never let you have it knowing not having it is hurting you? The person is thinking selfishly, they are thinking about they’re own comfort, of always having a mouth to come back to, but reality is, if they really wanted to stay in that mouth, they never would have started to dangle, or become unsure about things.
“I keep letting you back in, how can I explain myself? As painful as this thing has been, I just can’t be with no one else”
You know I’m right. But you just keep letting it happen. It’s hard. I hope I’m acting as the string tied to the door as you read this, to help yank that tooth out of your mouth because it ain’t healthy. You can do it. It only bleeds for a little while, there’s only a gap for a little while, but you gotta create room for new, permanent teeth to grow in.
There’s a tooth under those bleeding gums, you just gotta create space in your life for it to come in. You ca always save it underneath your pillow, in your memories, but take it out of your heart..
“see I know what we’ve got to do, you let go and I let go too”
-Lauryn Hill

baby teeth are baby teeth for a reason. they teach you how to maintain a tooth in your mouth, but they can't do for you what a permanent tooth can. this analogy was really far fetched but it did the trick!

And it did the trick again. But this time for me.
I kept asking myself why I had to face this heartache.
Like, everything happens for a reason, right?
Then.. why did this happen? Better yet, how did I let this happen for the second time?
But I realize now that it wasn't in my hands.
And sometimes we are put into peoples lives for seasons or lifetimes.. for a purpose.
It could be a purpose to help yourself, but sometimes it's to help them.
And I think my duty was fulfilled in his life.
I just made the mistake of confusing purpose with destiny.
And thought I was suppose to be with him when no,
I was just supposed to aid him for a season of his life.
And the sooner I close this chapter of my life,
The sooner the next one can open..

Dropping A Load.

Don't be turned off by the title.

But today, as I was dropping a load in the bathroom,
I couldn't help but notice an engravement on the back of the lock.
It read: Hiney Hiders.


I'm guessing that's the name of the company that created the stall in which I was sitting.
The ironic thing about this company's name is it doesn't hide ANY hineys.
In fact I can remember a countless amount of times I've seen people in the stall
ON ACCIDENT
its inevitable.
The crack between its door and the hinge

is far to large for anyone to miss the person in the stall.

Hiney Hiders have yet to hide a hiney from me.

This also creates an even larger dilemma for
those who appreciate privacy when moving their bowels.
Not only is the bathroom shared by half of the females in the dorm but
as they walkin in to the pleasant scent of your past 3 meals combined,
they can't help but lok towards it and thus, through the large crack, find the culprit.
And yes, they're thinking to themselves:
Ew, that's Jasmin from room 320, her shit stinks.
There's no where to run.
You can't try to cover your familiar flip flops from those in the neighboring stalls.
You can't lift your feet up.
All because of this oversized gap between the stall and its hinge.
On top of that there are so few african americans, once a darker
complexion is shown they'll know its 1 of 4 people.
I used to get maddd thiinking done on the toilet.
Now its just spent in paranoia.

Don't worry this entire blog isn't gonna be filled with complaints about
my shit taking circumstances.
I'm also about to drop a mental load.
There's someone I haven't told ya'll about.
dun dunn dunnn.
I'm going to be really vague about this because I'm not sure if he's a reader or not.
And I do honor the privacy of those that deserve it.
I met him a few weeks ago and in my opinion we hit it off. I don't know
what he thinks but its not to that point where I'm gonna ask 'us'-questions.
All I know is, I actually like him.
Although I was the one initially attracted to him, He's not my usual
type.. which I don't want to describe in full detail.
[[Hit me up on FaceBook if you really wanna know]]
The guys I talked about earlier (aside from the heart breaker) were
just, like I said, people I had interests in, people that were good looking.
I couldn't come out and flat out say, yo, I like so and so cuz I barely knew these people.
But now, I'm gettin past the pretty face and I'm taking initiative in
getting to know someone better and he is making the same effort.
I'm getting one on one time which is very important and beneficial so
idk ill tell you guys more when I know more.
I just wanted to drop that.
Pahahahahahha.

Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

Holladay.

Ok so here's the story of my pathetic yet oh so entertaining saturday.
First let me begin by telling you, I'm sick and I've been sick since
Thursday.
So....
when I got back to my room late Friday, I had an email from Dance Team
coach telling me someone wasn't going to be able to perform the next
day, so I had to fill in her spot. It wasn't a big deal, I could do it.
Then Saturday morning, hear the forecast. They talkina bout rain.
Man... I'm not even exaggerating when I say it started to rain AS SOON
as we left the stands to stretch. Like, it wasn't raining at all before.
We stretch when there's 5 minutes left in the third quarter mannn it was
the absolute longest 5 minutes ever. Who calls time out 17 seconds
before time out?
So we performed.
In the rain.
Smiles and all.
Finished lookin like drowned rats but HEY the crown loved us.
My dumb ass volunteered for something called pep band last week. So it
was my assignment for this week. So I had to travel around the stands
with a couple instrumentalists...
in the rain.
Then towards the end of the game... the skies opened up and pissed on
our asses man.. I literally couldn't see. I was cheerin with my eyes
closed. It was unbearable.
As you can see I wasn't in the best of spirits and I was sick. I came
back to my room and slept. For hours. Uninterrupted. Felt great.
Woke up. Tried to do homework. Didn't happen and by this time it was
time to get ready for Holladay.
Man.
Me and my girls took soooo long figuring out what to wear. I'm usually a
chick that gets ready fast, like a dude. And I take pride in that
capability. But Saturday just wasn't my night. I wasn't happy with
anything I picked out.
I wasn't the only one though.
Everyone was stressing about it.
Even the people that were supposed to call the cab.
All of us discombobulated with
heels or not
shorts or not
boots or not
dress or not
didn't think about how we were getting there.
Last minute we're calling maddd cab companies.
No Luck At All.
Bitches were hanging up on me and ish cuz they didn't have any cabs
available. I was frustrated, sick, and I didn't like my outfit...
ugghhh.
Get this tho, one of my girls walks outside and there's a cab out there
and she just... stole it.
We were so ecstatic. FINALLY a cab!!
Then, he wouldn't take 5 of us, even though we fit quite comfortably. We
were pissed. Found a cab after hours of trying to call one, and dude
wouldn't even take us. Luckily, another one pulled up and another
girlfriend of mine hopped out, flagged it down, and hopped in it.
Got the address of FaceBook, arrived. Meanwhile, my girls in the other
cab don't think they're gonna have enough to pay and that's when it
dawned on us...
We had no money for the cab back.
dun. dun.. dun...
We went thru all this shit to look cute and get there and aint know how
the hell we was gettin back.
All I knew was, the party better be BANGIN at this point. like, it
better be worth it.. righ?
And it was.
It was just maddd hot like.. you walked in glistening from the sweat
that accumalated as you were waiting in line.
hair? forget it.
Good thing about it was all the girls looked like skanks. Left and right
they were all messed up and trying really really hard and not
succeeding.
Remember how I said I didn't like my outfit? I didn't. But it no longer
mattered because looking around at my 'competition' I suddenly felt
over-confident in my appearance. Me and all my girls..
Well pretty much BC was the best looking school in there.
I'm not gonna lie though...
There were sooo many cuties in that joint. I didn't know what to do with
myself. Until the dehydration and sleep deprivation hit me.
So its the end of the night
And we decided to sleep at Harvard Square and wait for the T to
re-open.
JOKE.
I had to grow a scrotum sack and decided to ask the male species for
funds in which my friends and I could transport back to campus.
I hate asking for money I hate it I hate it.
I don't ask anyone.
Ever.
I feel uncomfortable with it.. even with my own grandparents like.. I
can't do it.. its hard.
I don't know if its like pride or the fact that I feel like I owe so
much to people that do things for me.
Maybe it's because not much has been done for me in life.
Nothing was passed to me on a platter I've worked for it all and I'm not
used to people being willing and able to help me out.
In this situation however.. the nitty came down to the gritty and I had
no choice. I had to ask a friend for money and yeah we're cool but to be
honest.. we only been in school for what.. 27 days? It hasn't even quite
been a month since classes started.
If I have a problem asking my family, people I've known all of my life,
for money imagine how hard it was for me to build up the courage to ask
a guy I only knew for 27days.. It didn't seem to be a big deal to anyone
else but to me it was huge.
Funny thing is he gave us cab fare and we couldn't even flag down a
cab.
One of my girls even took her jacket off if you know what I mean.
I'm preeettty sure it was because we're black.
and we were with all black guys, big guys, football players..
instead of flagging down a cab, we flagged down a truck of nighaz. one
of which new my girl.
he was asking about after parties and what not.. I didn't know of any
but apparently there was one at my school? idk. anyway that's what we
told them.. and they offered us a ride..
until they saw how many of us there were [5]. at that point the plan was
to flag down one cab and the rest of us will cop a ride.
We still couldn't manage to get a cab so we decided to do it Mexican
style and pile up in the truck. Me, being the smallest.. always the
smallest.. Got the smallest space available.. in the trunk, the space
behind the seats? u kno? yeah that.
It wasn't that bad tho.. we stopped at 7eleven got slurpees... got
stalked by some guy... met Ne-Yo... walked through a marinachie band...
listened to the driver freestly (followed by awkward silence) it was an
adventure..
especially when we got to the parking lot in front of a dorm at bc and
found out there was no party.
THEN bc police came up to our black foggy glassed truck madd skeptical
like... but all he said was to move because he was layin tickets out
soon.
At that point we decided it was God. No party equals no tow. Good shit.
Ok so these dudes still wanna chill with us. I'm down. One of the other
girls are down. But the other 3 aren't and they're trying to teall us in
code and we didn't catch on. It was hilarious.
We decided to call it a night.
I gave him gas money so it was kinda like a cab.
Meh.
Pathetic isn't it?
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

You know what's pathetic...

Yo.

There are some really pathetic things out there if you really really think about it.

Posers... people who try to be something they aren't or that switch who they are around certain people.

Guys that are still using pick up lines that were never 'in' or useful...

Females that feel as if they have to show so much of their body to get attention from guys...

That stuff is pathetic.

But let me tell you about how pathetic I am.

I got dumped by a gey guy, via Facebook.

Absolutely, pathetic.

Well I mean you know it was one of those fake marriages.

Cuz yeah he's gay but we've been married for a while now lol.

And just the other day he told me

"you're the best wife a gay guy could have"

Lol.

And then, he divorced me, for another guy.

Wait by saying 'another guy' does it make me seem like I'm a man?

Pahahaha.

I'll be back on later.

I have A LOT to share.

Last night was....

pathetic.

Egg-Donor

OH boy.
Where do I begin. Like, I keep getting phone calls from a credit card company, telling me my account is going to go into really really bad standing, like they're gonna make collections from my assets [which i have none] from a credit card i NEVER OPENED.
I knew about this account. I sure did.
My own mother opened a credit card in my name the day I turned 18. Didn't even tell me about it. I decided in May, when I found out she stole my debit card out the mailbox, to get my credit report. That's when I found out, not only was she using funds from my checking account, but she had a credit card open in my name.. and she wasn't paying for it.
Immediately, I filed for fraud, closed the accounts, put a flag on my name and s'more stuff.
Thing was, the credit card company, wanted me to file a police report, against my own mother, in order for it to be removed from my credit score.
I was ready to do it!
I didn't care. My mom hasn't done SHIT for me, and she was all I had. I didn't know my own father until last December! She takes and takes and takes. My younger sister, Joy, used to call me mommy. She literally thought I was her mother because I was the one caring for her. My mother probaly would have made me feed her from my breasts if I had the milk.
If the very oxygen I breathe could be bottled and sold...
I'm sure she'd ask for my lungs too.
Ive been working to support them [her and my sister] for the past two years when I should have been trying to pursue my dreams, I had to stop doing musicals cuz I had to work. I couldn't run for any class presidency, cuz I had to work. Work is what I did. Not for me, but for them.
And look what I get in return.
Bad Credit.
Not even by my own doing. When I confronted her about this guess what she said...
She said she did it for me. To help me establish credit, and to surprise me for graduation. Yeah use my own money to buy things for me? THANKS MOM!
My mom is a bipolar, obsessive compulsive, clinically depressed single parent with crackhead tendencies.
This is why I was READY to file this police report.
But my grandparents said no.
[Do ya'll agree? or...]
ANYWAY, I eventually got my mom to agree to pay it off [she STILL doesn't think she was wrong by the way].

This credit thing was the LAST STRAW, I moved out of my house three days later. Homeless hopping house to house until my grandfather in Massachusetts agreed to take me in until school started. Because of the multiple addresses, the credit statements weren't being sent out regularly and I wasn't getting that and neither was my mom.

Today I found out I owe 300 hundred dollars. And if 150 of it isn't paid by Tuesday, there goes my student loans.

LUCKILY! I have a father who feels horrible about the 17 birthdays and christmas' he missed, and does whatever he can to help me. He has done so much for me lately.

OOOOOO
FOR EXAMPLE

Im trying to switch to Verizon from TMobs... but my contract isn't up until April(?). Paying the early termination fee was OD so I was gonna give my mom the phone, for her to have... while my daddy bought me a new one and she would pay the bill, even for that month, which was due in like 4 days.
She agreed to it.
3 days later she bought her own phone.
Said she wasn't gonna pay it.
And I was taking too long.
So I was SOL, with no money to pay my bill.
Then, Daddy to the rescue!! He paid it AND agreed to still get my new phone. Now that he's paying this credit card off, I don't know.

I just feel like it's my moms responsibility. And we gotta stop moppin her spills. Now she's just gotten away with being manipulative again, and she'll never learn. But something had to be done. Or I'd be fucked for the rest of my life.

Endnote: Coach was cool with my quitting she just wanted me to finish out this weekend BUT THEN she proposed me being a stands only member... aka i only do the stuff in the stands. and i wouldn't have to go to tues/thurs rehearsals [which opens up for phaymus] and i still go to fooootball games for freeee. works for me!

Youth

We defy gravity blissfully escaping through space
gravity doesn't apply to you and me
we can float, weightless onto clouds
and here the stars are so close
our dreams are in our reach
here is almost heaven
happiness is so accessible
nothing can stop us
we are death defying immortals
we have forever to repent
not a worry, not a care, not a fear in the-
sky.
those earthly concerns don't apply up here.
where we are.
risk, danger, responsibilities.
please!
Let's fly
down Route 30,
your hand on the wheel my hand out the window, wind blowing reality
away.
Gravity doesn't apply to you and me.
They can't bring us down.
The hand of fate tried.
It appeared at the intersection, stared us in the eyes, blocked our view
of the 18-wheels coming towards us.
The hand of fate tried to take hold of us
and drive us down to earth.
The hand of fate succeeded.
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

2 Dumbasses, One Death

So, all of these 2 girls one cuz, 2 guys one horse videos are
disgusting. I just watched 2 guys one horse [aka death by horse cock]
for the first time. I am traumatized and I most likely will have
nightmares tonight.
How do you tell someones family that they died by being fvckd in the ass
by a horse? Hey Mrs. So and So, sorry to tell you, your son dies of a
raptured spleen. How? Oh, having sex with a horse.
Or if you tried to think of a lie.. Oh, he was hit by a truck... In his
ass??!???!!
Oh my God.
What is the world coming to.

On a more serious note, forget about that guy I told yall about. The
situation was a lil complicated. And pretty much, this campus is too
small and every black person knows every black person. And I usually go
for black men. Being a freshman, and not fully knowing anyone yet, I
have been noticing guys that have potential, and that are attractive...
So you accumalate a list of options... something that's kept to
myself... but still it's like.. I had this list... and know I have to
eliminate options because I found out these nighas DIRECT ROOMATES!
damnit.

Neyo and Ryan Leslie are extremely talented and I have the utmost
respect and admiration for them and what they do.

I gotta read. Goodnight.
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

The Chase

So recently.. I discovered that like.. the chase is really important to
guys. Whether they know it or not, they aren't gonna take a girl
seriously or be able to be in anything like, long term with a girl that
wasn't hard to get.
Now, not being hard to get doesn't make you easy. The chase consists of
many things. And being hard to get doesn't mean be impossible to get.

A LOT of girls get that twisted.

However, lettin a guy know u are feelin him too soon... and just
allowing things to grow rapidly, takes away from the chase. Which is
necessary for a guy to take u seriously slash be with you for a long
time.

I speak from experience.

Even if everything is there... that *it* factor... the potential... the
looks... if there's no chase, its not gonna feel like a prize. u kno?

I discovered... today actually... that I am the exact same way.
I love the chase. I don't like it when a guy straight up likes me and
that's it. He could be the cutest thing, he could be the sweetest
thing.. but if it comes easy (not calling him easy) it's less
rewarding.
And if I'm feeling a guy, I don't want him to like me back right away..
I wanna have time to discover more things.
That's why I'm drawn to mysterious guys, I like figuring out aspects of
their personality, instead of him just being open and layin everything
out from the jump.
Don't get me wrong, I need a guy that's gonna be open, honest and
straight forward with me...

..eventually

but for the sake of enjoyment in this 'getting to know each other'
process lets gradually get to that point..

What's bad about this concept, however, is at times I can't decipher
between whether I'm actually interested in a guy, or if I'm interested
in the chase, the process.

And sometimes.. I can't tell if I really like people or if I just like
the *idea* of them, and having them.

And quite frankly, I don't have the time or patience to figure it out.
Like I said before, fall in love with something that can't hurt you.

Yo,
forbidden fruit is so much sweeter.
Like, the connection we had when I couldn't have him was so much better.
But now that I can, I don't think I want it....
I mean I'm no home wrecker... but Idk it was somethina bout it..

Could it be the chase?
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

When the say Black Family Weekend...

Back in April BC had this minority program called Discovery Weekend...
you know, for like minorities that had been accepted to the school...
I met sooo many cool people there... but three qirls in particular
really stood out and still impact my life today...
One of them I found out was from Maryland too.. and now she's my room
mate.. Another, we are like twins.. like we have the same interests we
act alike its crazy... But the story with the third girl is the
craziest....

Some of yall know, some of yall don't
but..
me and my dad aren't close
I've been living in maryland for a while
and he lives in rhode island with his wife
and two kids
most recently, actually in december I like,
reached out to him you know?
like thought we should develop a relationship with each other
especially since I could be going to school near by him

I found out that the third girl from black family weekend is related to
his wife.

it was crazy
that means this woman I've never met
these kids I've never met
are related to a girl that I met
and clicked with at black family weekend

and today she texted me, she said her and her grandmother were going
through old pictures.. and she saw my dad..

its just crazy to me
that I could meet someone
and barely know them
yet she knows my family
well, my supposed family..
so well
she knows my family better than I do..

When they said Black Family Weekend...
I didn't think I'd be meetin actual relatives..
wild.
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

Dance Team

So today was the Freshman Convocation
its a huge event
its the first and last time (before graduation)
that your entire class is together
and they have like a guest speaker and shit
because of this fucking BCMBDT
[Boston College Marching Band Dance Team]
I wasn't able to participate in my own Freshman Convocation
I had to watch my entire dorm dress up, look nice, take group dorm
pictures and I couldn't participate
On top of that, I had to sit with the marching band for the speaker
BEHIND the speaker
I couldn't hear a word he was saying
everybody was laughin
[apparently he was a great speaker]
funny looking red head boys with afros were asking questions
and I couldn't hear a word of it
All the Freshman on the dance team were pissed
We signed up to dance at Football Game Halftimes
Not to tag along with the marching band in their every fucking parade
and event...
its some bullshit

I must have forgotten BC was a white school when I signed up
They don't booty shake and shimmy in booty shorts like HBCUs would...
Ya girl Jazzo is pullin fuetes and tour jetes and leapin and jazz runnin
from the 10 yard line to the 50
I didn't sign up for this
And guess what I'm doin field ballet in?
I velour TURTLE NECK dress!
yes, velour.
and yes, turtle neck.
it's crampin my style.
I thought the Beatles half time show would be better.
but its worse.
We ponyin..
and doin the monkey.
yes the monkey
yes that johnny bravo shit.
lookin like a frantic 80s exercise video...
I hate it.
and the girls on the team make it worse
they get on my nerves
esp. the one with the caterpillar eyebrows
and
when everyone gets together and break rules
there's always the fucking suck ups
only 2 of them.
but they ruin it for the rest of us.
people take that wanna be ballet shit toooo seriously.

on a different note I just walked in my room to my room mate and a
fotball player playing old childhood hand games... the fuck??

ok so... I think I wanna dance for the rest of my life

you know what I love? I love when I have a connection with someone..
through movement..
[[only dancers may understand this]]
but like I can hear his heart when we are moving together
We connect
and I know he feels it too
It's a dancer thing
When we are dancing together I am his and he is mine, we synchronize
But as soon as the song is over
he's textin again
the girl who is his when the song ends..
darn.
what did I tell yall about love??
that's why imma fall in love with the moments we move together
imma fall in love with dance
cuz I can't fall in love with him
because without music, he is not mine.
I love dance.
I love dancing with him.
But I can't love him.
Does that make sense?

I'm wasting time I have Spanish homework to do.
Ima put up pics of me in that soggy ass uniform a lil later.

Until next time,
peace.
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

Picture With A Prostitute Vids

Here are the videos Just as I promised
i know.. im madd late.

Picture With A Prostitute

I get bored sometimes. And I had already wrapped my hair, and I wanted to go outside and get some fresh air. So i put on this random blonde wig I have and once the wig was on.. there was no going back i was in the zone It was a great night we decided to go out bother people like we always do.. and we just walked around asking "Would you like to take a picture with a prostitute?" I got rejected so many times its hard out here. I decided it'd sound so much better in a british accent i got a lot more pictures after that... Look out for the videos!

See Where I'm Coming From...

A lot of you probably think that last one was kinda random and that I'm
just being one of those "fuck love" females... but I wasn't always this
way... below is one of my favorite poems from DefPoetry Jam..

THIS TYPE LOVE - Shihan

**I want a love like me thinking of you, thinking of me, thinking of you
type love**
or me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about
how I feel about you type love
or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to
yourself type love
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name.
And shit-
I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely
made it out of my garage.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder
if she's dreaming about us being in love type love
or who loves the other more or what she's doing at this exact moment or
slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts.
closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much
when she's not there and shit,
I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this-
I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she
never forgets how much I love her type love,
then not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love type love
and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel.
and I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of
them when they went through the same kind of love type love
The only difference is this is one of those real love type loves.
and just like in high school I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying
shit and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and
smell her all up in my covers type love.
and I wanna try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the
middle just so I could start all over again.
and I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though
they ain't really anniversaries but doing it just 'cause it makes her
happy type love.
and check this-
I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when our numbers
dial in type love
and talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but
with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me.
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to
something that allows me to talk to her longer 'cause in all honesty, I
want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
**and I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are. I mean
the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love you as long as
I'd like to type love**.
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how
strong this love is type love
and I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair. Well maybe
not all of the hair, maybe like I'd cut the split ends and trim my
mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for
her.
I kind of feel comfortable now so I even be **fantasizin about walking
out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose
my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get
treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with
you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type
love**
I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is.

Wasn't that cute? too bad guys aren't really like that... I found alll
these things I like wrote for him, lyrics, poems... just shit...

It hurts.
I have friends turning to me for advice, one friend just got dumped,
another one being the worst kinda lonely... and I can't help them
because I'm in the same boat.. I'm never in this boat. What.. the
fuck..

And is it weird that... the good times I had with him are enough to
say.. I'd do that shit all over again TWICE, even though it hurts that
much. the pain is worth it. and if crying every night and experiencing
continuos cameos of our memories is the price I have to pay for once
having him, then its worth the debt.
I just hope that next time,
I know that what I'm signing up before hand.
I hope I know the price.. beforehand.

an old poem I wrote that applies more than ever now...

tho were seperated by a handful of states
the distance doesn't compare
to how much I miss you when you're near,
but for me, you're not there
when you're beside me and I cant hold you
or have to stop my eyes, my mind, my lips
having to lurk my feelings in alleys
may be the worse way to 'miss'
having to think before I speak
having to censor the truth
having to hold back in midst of opportunity
having difficulty yet watching you
with ease forget or easily conceal
how you show and say you feel
my true goal is to never again have to hide
especially with our limited time..

ahhhhh he was great guys.
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

Love.

Man, love sucks.
Like.. no matter how good something seems
or as good as things are at first
they always go sour
always
without a doubt
and I've discovered that it isn't because guys are bad people
but its more because they're human
So, I'm looking for something to fall in love with.
I'm looking for something inhuman
something that can't hurt me
something that I can give my utmost love
something I can show that I am capable of loving
cuz guys
I have a lot to offer
I lot of love to offer
goooood lovin at that
and even when I've loved to the best of my abilities..
I've been let down
so I am going to show dance how much I love it
I am going to love dance unconditionally
whether its jazz tap ballet hip hop..
even that dumb ass shit I do on the football field..
I love dance
dance has always been there for me
in my times of need
when dudes have failed me
I could always head to an empty studio and dance
when I was going thru family drama
music always moved me to dance
dance isn't gonna hurt me

like he did

and if u think about it
keepin urself busy keeps ur minds off of things.
and if I become involved in enough things..
devote my life fully to God and dance..
he won't be on my mind as much.

somethin to think about.
...or not to think about.
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®

Phaymus Synergy

Ah.

Now for my second blog.

I know I'm going to get a lot of criticism from BC students about this one.

The ongoing battle between Synergy and Phaymus.

I remember the first time I saw them perform.

[the ALC Showdown 2008]

Yo, Synergy captured my eye.

Not only were they the winners but they rocked it.

They were clean, they were creative.

And at that point I was determined to become a team member.

A few other teams caught my eye

but the one that captured it most was Phaymus.

Not only because they almost dropped a girl trying to do a human catapult but

they were good they were big, they were crazy

and their idea was also very creative.

At that point I decided, if not Synergy, Phaymus.

Now the school year has begun and I was recruited for this dumb azz Marching Band Dance Team.

The only reason I haven't quit is because I sold my season tickets to the football games and I get in free for being on the dance team.

Although I'm already a part of a team, it was cuttin it

...i wasn't gettin' my fix

i needed to MOOOVE instead of doing field ballet

so i decided to try out for Synergy.

A few friends persuaded me to try out for Phaymus.

Plus the Phaymus try out came before the Synergy tryout.

So I could get my mind back in hip hop mode.

PHAYMUS AUDITION:

Walked in and felt straigh up welcomed.

The team was cracking jokes, laughing, getting everyone loose.

They assured us that it was okay to like, mess up.

They encouraged us to ask questions

and advised us to do facial expressions and have energy.

When I explained to them that I still was trying out for Synergy,

they totally understood.

They just told me to make sure I tell them about my decision

After I found out I made it,

they still hung out with me even though I hadn't confirmed.

SYNERGY AUDITION:

Walked in and was told to sign a paper and bring it back.

The team was cracking inside jokes to everyone, distancing themselves from the people there to audition.

They told us to stretch ourselves out, we did a very very short warm up.

And once they started teaching the choreography, they had everyone be quiet

they told us to save questions til the end because they'll probably answer it.

I don't think they knew I auditioned and made Phaymus.

[I can't do both, BTW]

Monday:

Phaymus is still awaiting a decision and..

Honestly, the vibes I was getting in the Synergy audition was a total turn-off.

I felt intimidated by the people already on the team.

I felt like even if I made it, I'd still be competing against current members

I'd be afraid to mess up

...in practice

With Phaymus it felt like a phaymily [<-HAHA]

I felt as if I could get along with these people

for a long period time

and i dont like females

but i like the Phaymus Phemales.

Monday night the Synergy team lets me know I made it.

they brought there camera and entire team

they were so excited.

Now that I had made both teams I had the hardest decision of my life.

Do I choose the better team, although I won't shine as much?

Or do I choose the team that I click with, even though their reign isn't as grand?

I chose to be comfortable.

Knowing that I'm good enough to make Synergy was SUCH a great feeling but yo,

I'm just looking for my fix.. remember?

When I'm ready, and NOT on the marching band dance team,

Maybe I'll switch to Synergy.

But for now, Phaymus is what I want to do.

Now, I have to deal with mean looks from the Synergy girls.

A lot of people disagree with my decision.

And only 5 [now 4] people were added to Synergy.

And I do feel a little bad but..

College is about being Selfish.

And I had to do this for ME.

Oh Schnappp!!!!

Ok, Ok. I'm about to have a lot to say on my first blog.
First things first, check out my inspiration at

internetgoon.blogspot.com

and my stage company at

jamasoly.blogspot.com.
Good shit.
Ok.
Hi, you're gonna call me Jaz.
One 'z'.
No more.
I hate the nick name Jazzy.
Some call me Jazzo.
Most call me Jasmin.
And that's with no 'e'.

Speaking of pet peves.
I hate it when fat (pardon would it sound better if i used overweight or ROTUND?) Hispanic chicks wear those baby gap tee shirts and have their muffin top hanging past their zipper. I mean the Hispanic chicks aren't the only ones, however, I must say 98.7 percent of every muffin top I have witnessed, was that of a Hispanic female. Like, is their belt too tight? That could be part of the problem but, I'm pretty sure their shirts are just.. too small.
and
I hate it when old (pardon would it sound better if i used senior citizen?) automatically like, assume that you aren't capable of things like, putting their feet in the car for them. Ok, maybe this is just becoming an anecdote but.. that lady acted like I was twelve years old!! I was fully capable of putting her legs in the car for her but nooooo, she wanted an adult to do it..

That brings me back to myself.
Im eighteen.
Freshman at Boston College.
[Which is effin awesome BTW]

I'm a very hmm. How do you say, DIFFERENT without sounding like EVERYONE ELSE that claims to be different, and unique and crap. We can't all be different, it'd become an oxymoron.
I'm blunt, over-analytical, over-dramatic, selfish, short.
[thought i'd get the bad stuff out of the way]
I'm flippin' gorgeous, weird (yes its a good thing), extra (also good), enthusiastic, a hell of a good dancer and actress, im hella smart, i mean... the list could go on.

That brings me to my motto. Well not motto. But like, this like... [Can you tell I'm not too good at explaining things?] It's like my mentality. It's one of those things I plan on getting tatooed on my body somewhere, later of course, like when I'm 26 and my brain is fully developed.
iNFiNiTe.
People are always like, what the hell is that supposed to mean and all this ish and im just like

...hi hata

and the coool people, the smart people, the intellectuals that look past the surface, know that infinity is never-ending.
i'm not saying i'm immortal.
cuz im not.
I'm saying there are infintite ways I can improve myself as a person.
There are countless ways to help others.
People are so easily satisfied when things are 'good' that they forget that there is more.
Fuck good. You can be great.
Why stop?
Don't..

And sometimes I get selfish and forget all that stuff which is why I want it tatooed as I constant reminder.
Unlike other people, like Black high school and college athletes (males), and weird self mutilating gothic people, I've been thinking about my tat since I was 16 AND STiLL HAVEN'T GOTTEN iT!
Not because I'm afraid and not because I don't have the money.
But because something that's going to be branded on my body for the rest of my life,

should be thought through for more than a few days after my 16th or 18th birthday.
Ahhh, stupid people.

I think that's a good way to end my first blog.