See Where I'm Coming From...

A lot of you probably think that last one was kinda random and that I'm
just being one of those "fuck love" females... but I wasn't always this
way... below is one of my favorite poems from DefPoetry Jam..

THIS TYPE LOVE - Shihan

**I want a love like me thinking of you, thinking of me, thinking of you
type love**
or me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about
how I feel about you type love
or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to
yourself type love
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name.
And shit-
I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely
made it out of my garage.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder
if she's dreaming about us being in love type love
or who loves the other more or what she's doing at this exact moment or
slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts.
closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much
when she's not there and shit,
I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this-
I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she
never forgets how much I love her type love,
then not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love type love
and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel.
and I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of
them when they went through the same kind of love type love
The only difference is this is one of those real love type loves.
and just like in high school I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying
shit and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and
smell her all up in my covers type love.
and I wanna try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the
middle just so I could start all over again.
and I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though
they ain't really anniversaries but doing it just 'cause it makes her
happy type love.
and check this-
I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when our numbers
dial in type love
and talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but
with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me.
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to
something that allows me to talk to her longer 'cause in all honesty, I
want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
**and I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are. I mean
the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love you as long as
I'd like to type love**.
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how
strong this love is type love
and I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair. Well maybe
not all of the hair, maybe like I'd cut the split ends and trim my
mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for
her.
I kind of feel comfortable now so I even be **fantasizin about walking
out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose
my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get
treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with
you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type
love**
I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is.

Wasn't that cute? too bad guys aren't really like that... I found alll
these things I like wrote for him, lyrics, poems... just shit...

It hurts.
I have friends turning to me for advice, one friend just got dumped,
another one being the worst kinda lonely... and I can't help them
because I'm in the same boat.. I'm never in this boat. What.. the
fuck..

And is it weird that... the good times I had with him are enough to
say.. I'd do that shit all over again TWICE, even though it hurts that
much. the pain is worth it. and if crying every night and experiencing
continuos cameos of our memories is the price I have to pay for once
having him, then its worth the debt.
I just hope that next time,
I know that what I'm signing up before hand.
I hope I know the price.. beforehand.

an old poem I wrote that applies more than ever now...

tho were seperated by a handful of states
the distance doesn't compare
to how much I miss you when you're near,
but for me, you're not there
when you're beside me and I cant hold you
or have to stop my eyes, my mind, my lips
having to lurk my feelings in alleys
may be the worse way to 'miss'
having to think before I speak
having to censor the truth
having to hold back in midst of opportunity
having difficulty yet watching you
with ease forget or easily conceal
how you show and say you feel
my true goal is to never again have to hide
especially with our limited time..

ahhhhh he was great guys.
Sent from .:JaZz0:.'s T-Mobile Sidekick®