lookin' at my Gucci...

..it's about that time

TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING SERIOUS. TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OF SUBSTANCE. TO STOP BASHING CELEBS, TO STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT MY PROBLEMS, THIS IS EVEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY OBAMA INFATUATION...
AFTER READING A NOT OF MY FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK... I HAVE COME TO TERMS WITH AN INTERNAL BATTLE I'M FACING. THAT I KNOW A LOT OF YOU GUYS ARE FACING TOO... AFTER YOU READ THE NOTE WE'LL DISCUSS IT... BUT AS YOU READ THINK OF IT AS A TIMELINE... LIKE.. A PROCESS THAT HAPPENED WITHIN HIM....

Since I’ve been on Facebook, I’ve seen people write notes on many things. I’ve seen poetry, jokes, songs, conversations about not liking things, girls, guys…etc.
I’ve always wanted to write a note, but never found something worthy of being made public to friends on Facebook. Now I found something that I truly believe should be said by someone on this network. Something that we’ve all been called to advocate; something that our generation seems to have forgotten, or takes for granted. I found the courage in me to give my testimony on what I have truly felt, feel, and hope to feel about God. I want to start off by thanking God that I am here. Here, at this point in life where I can honestly say that I have found Him. Thank Him for taking me out of my tribulations against the evil that has dwelt in me for so long. Thank Him for putting my mind on Him, and not on me.
A year ago, if I were asked if I believed in God I would’ve said yes. Thinking that God was a greater being who wanted love, peace, prosperity, wealth, good health, honesty, charity, the list goes on. But no. I was wrong. I was making up a God for myself because I did not want to face the consequences of my actions, my thoughts, my emotions. I was telling myself that God would love and save me no matter what, even if I lied, even if I stole, even if I committed adultery, even if I refused to follow the path that His son, Jesus, laid down for us to follow. And worst of all, I thought He would love and save me, even if I refused to believe that He was really there.
For the longest time I asked myself if there really was a God. Was it possible? Why couldn’t I see Him? It’s just a story people make up for fun!!!! I was in the deepest of holes, blinded by lies. I started taking psychology and used that to give supporting evidence on why people make up religions. I started reading books, gaining knowledge and I came to a point where I thought that people who believe in God are just too gullible. At the same time I was talking to friends, confessing my love for Christ, and my amazing faith. I felt like a hypocrite. I was lying to myself, trying to portray an image that wasn’t really me. Somewhere along the line, I wanted the truth, I wanted to be sure. And something inside of me changed. God put it in my heart to find Him. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed some more. Asking God for faith and signs to make me believe that He was really with me. I was having a battle fought inside of me. Truth versus Lies. Life versus death.
Well, like Jesus said, He would knock on our hearts, but we would have to open it up for Him. God took me out of my hole and put me on my two feet so that I could follow Him. Guys I cant describe how empty I felt for soooo long. I really tried to fill it up with ideas of what I thought happiness should be. I thought having lots of friends would keep my mind occupied and not let it go crazy with questions. We party and drink, turn off the lights, make out, have sex, wake up the next morning bragging about all the action we got, and then do it again the next night. Ok. But then there always comes this point where we ask ourselves: why? Why live? Why wake up and be part of this routine called life? Maybe the questions aren’t that drastic, but we still have questions. We think that going to school, graduating, having a good job to provide for our family that we will eventually have, go to some vacations, save money and retire; we really think that it’s all going to work out for us. We’re wrong. We will ALWAYS have that emptiness inside that was meant to be filled by our Lord. We think that the clothes and the shoes we have define what we truly are. But we know that no matter how fresh we are, how many girls we get, or how much I got on my exam, will never get our parents back together, or stop my mom from being an alcoholic, or my dad from hitting my mom, or me to reach internal peace. No. Guys we need to reprioritize our lives and make God number one. Give Him the chance to lead you to the light.
For those of you who are reading this and have felt like this before, or feel like that now, just ask God to do His will in you. Try to look for Him, and you will find Him just like he allowed me to do. And if you have never accepted Christ and wish to do so you can. Look for Him. Guys we’re here to help each other out and be one under the Almighty. So lets. God Bless you guys!!!!

I KNOW IT WAS LONG SHEESH. BUT IT WAS POWERFUL IT REALLY WAS... CUZ I LOT OF US ARE STUCK IN BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS 2 AND 3... BETWEEN WHAT WE PROCLAIM ALOUD AND THE DOUBTS THAT FLUTTER IN OUR HEADS SOME TIMES..

i'm guilty of it...

HELL I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE EVEN HAD THOSE THOUGHTS IN CHURCH. SHOOT. IT'S THE REASON I'M AFRAIND TO PURSUE A MAJOR IN ANY PSYCHOLOGICAL FIELD. I'M AFRAID IT'D EASILY TAINT MY MIND. AND I'D BE BOGGLED BETWEEN WHETHER RELIGION WAS TRYING TO BRAINWASH ME OR IF MAN WAS...
NOW, I COULD SIT HERE AND BE LIKE... I WANT TO BE LIKE HIM.. I WANT TO PROCLAIM MY LOVE FOR GOD AND I WANT TO LIVE FOR HIM ETC... BUT I FEEL LIKE I WOULD BE DOING IT BECAUSE I FEEL GUILTY OR BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE.. AND I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE THAT'S THE RIGHT REASON..
I THOUGHT I GAVE MY LIFE TO HIM A WHILE AGO BUT I LOOK BACK AND MY DEDICATION LIKE GRADUALLY FADED AND I FIND MY SELF LIVING JUST AS SINFUL AS THE NEXT PERSON.. TEMPTATION ALWAYS FINDS ME. AND I DON'T JUST MEAN SEXUALLY... I MEAN IN ALL WAYS... JUST THE TEMPTATION TO NOT FOLLOW HIM.. I'M SORRY THIS IS SO WRONG.. AND I'M SORRY THAT I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWERS THIS TIME BUT I THINK MY BOY JUAN PENA PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE FOR THE BOTH OF US WHEN HE SAID:

..just ask God to do His will in you. Try to look for Him, and you will find Him just like he allowed me to do. And if you have never accepted Christ and wish to do so you can. Look for Him.

YALL KNOW I CAN'T LEAVE YOU GRAPHIC-LESS...

CHILL... IT WAS EITHER THIS OR "BOUNCE DAT ASS MS.CUNNINGHAM"