could be a sweet dream, or a beatiful nightmare...

It's actually neither, I just like that quote. It's from a Beyonce song that my dance team danced to last year. Here's the nightmare:

"We need to talk" he said. I've always dreaded hearing
those four words. Something about calling it a 'need' makes it sound
urgent. And if it was something easy to say, he would have just said it. "We
need to talk" is like a way of saying, 'prepare yourself, i have bad news' or a
way of saying, 'sit down, we are discussing this NOW' and I just don't think I
was ready.
"Don't worry it's nothing major, you won't even be mad" he
said shortly afterwards. He must have noticed the curiosity in my eyes, the
shrinking of the skin between my eyebrow and how hesitant I was before sitting
down.
"Go ahead" I ordered him. I hate that wait, that tension
it created and my heart was beating so fast and so hard that I confused it with
one of my breasts. I needed to know what he had to say, although I didn't quite
want to.

"Me and *** had sex last night"
I couldn't believe my
ears. This wasn't my boyfriend talking to me and he didn't just tell me he had
sex with his best friend last night. Where was I? How did this happen? Him? Her?
Them? Together? Doing the same act that he and I share daily, so passionately,
so lovingly. He gave that to her? Where was I in his head when he was doing
that?
My eyes got larger, I could feel my skin tightening as I
clenched my fist. I was sure my heart was visible from the outside of my chest.
I opened my mouth to speak but my air had been stolen by this surprise. All I
could do is sigh, and shake my head, my head facing down towards the floor
trying to come up with the fewest words to say to him. I couldn't look at him.
He reached out his hand and placed it on mine. I instantly flinched backwards,
my chair fell and I stood, "get off of me" is all I could mutter through my
tightened lips. I stared him in the eyes, imagining all of the violent things I
could do right then and right there to his face and limbs.
"It didn't mean anything" he said.
With a tilt of my head to the right and a squint of my
eyes I think he understood that I wasn't buying it, even if it was cheap and
true.
I couldn't stand to be in that room any longer, even
though it was mine. I walked out. He screamed after me but I just kept going.
Tears began to fall with each foot step. He started calling me repeatedly, I
didn't answer, most of the time I declined the call. I watched my room, waiting
for him to leave it, he never did.
After a few hours, I went back in.
"It's over, get out"

If I didn't feel shitty enough already, the days
proceeding the break up were worse. The phone calls, voice mails, texts all
saying, "it didn't mean anything"... but none of them came from
him.
Rumor had it, he gave up and wasn't going to fight with me
anymore, "It didn't mean anything, I don't know why she's so
mad".

One day I ran into him. I thought I'd do him a favor and
let him know why I was mad.
"You cheated on me dumbass" is all I could say. But in my
head I was thinking, that was the ultimate thing you could do to me, even you
said that yourself, and on top of that, it was with your best friend, who i was
skeptical of the entire time. I trusted you, believed your lies, allowed you to
get the best of both, and in the end I'm always the one that gets punished for
loving someone else.

I stood there waiting on his reply and all he could say
was, "It didn't mean anything".

WHAT A NIGHTMARE OH MY GOSH! GOOD THING NONE OF THAT WAS TRUE!