apol·o·gy
Pronunciation:
\ə-ˈpä-lə-jē\
Function:
noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural
apol·o·gies
1 a: a formal justification : defense b: excuse
2: an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of
regret
3: a poor substitute : makeshift
re·morse
Pronunciation:
\ri-ˈmȯrs\
Function:
noun
Date:
14th century
1: a
gnawing distress arising from a sense of guilt for
past wrongs : self-reproach
2obsolete
: compassion
Tell me if I'm wrong, in order to be sorry about something, don't you have to realize you've done something wrong... and regret it?
I hate when people just say I'm sorry as an easy fix.
It happens a lot in relationships. One of the partners will get mad at the other and the one that is in trouble will just say sorry because they're sick of the two being mad at each other.
Why say sorry if you don't think you've done anything wrong?
If you dont think you've done anything wrong, you have no regret right?
Webster said there has to be an admission of error accompanied by regret but if you're making a just apology.
Therefore, when your boyfriend or girlfriend apologies just so things can be better, they aren't really sorry.
Meaning whatever they did wrong, they will probably do again. Or if they stop doing whatever it was, it's only so the relationship is stress free, and so they don't have to deal with you being mad.
AKA if it was up to them, they'd keep doing whatever it was they were doing.
I mean I guess it's kind of a good thing though. Because they care about the relationship enough to refrain from activity that will anger you but at the same time they're doing it selfishly. If they were really thinking about you, they wouldn't have done that activity in the first place.
Am I right?
5 people left me some shugga!:
you're right. i think that it's beyond just intimate relationships, though. like friendships have the same deal.
Sometimes people say sorry because their intentions may not be to make the other person upset but if that happens then they are sorry for that. They're not necessarily sorry for what they did if they feel what they did was not wrong but they may still feel it is necessary to apologize for making the other person upset. People need to realize that because people can have a difference of opinion.
i think i could write about this for days, but i'll check myself.
so, i just want to respond to the last part: "I mean I guess it's kind of a good thing though. Because they care about the relationship enough to refrain from activity that will anger you but at the same time they're doing it selfishly. If they were really thinking about you, they wouldn't have done that activity in the first place."
my qualms with this are as follows:
a. if the person apologized, it might be because they regret the situation as it's developed, not necessarily because they feel like their actions leading up to said situaton were in the wrong. so i guess im in agreement with what "anonymous" posted before me.
when you're in a situation and your intentions/words/action are misconstrued, it's understandable that you feel "sorry" for things not turning out/coming across as you wanted them to...and not because your intentions themselves were based in ill will.
b. i don't think apologizing under the circumstance that i just mentioned is selfish. in fact i think it the complete opposite. to me, it's very selfless for a person to apologize in spite of themselves and their intentions. it's not a cop out, but rather an expression of their commitment...if someone is willing and caring enough to swallow their pride and recognize that their significant other/friend/whatever misinterpreted their intentions and is in turn upset about the ensuing circumstance...i think that's one hell of an individual.
sorry jaz, i usually agree with your posts but im in disagreement on this one.
Anonymous...
then I guess thats the problem... if the person they did wrong to feels they did something wrong they are going to continue feeling that way.. and the other person will never feel as if they are wrong... so.... its only going to be a never ending cycle of wrongdoing and apologies..
Cassie...
I agree with you (part a)and anonymous but I also feel like that is the problem... becuase the apology ISN'T for the action itself..
therefore the action will continue.
now, part b.... the thing is if they are what you say they are they would want to refrain from the activity.. but when they apologize before even figuring out what they did wrong they just absent mindedly move on from what has happened... and THATS why it keeps happening. because they apologize before even knowing what they did wrong, to get passed that moment.
yeah, i agree... mos def
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