Tuesday

Just some thoughts...

I try to reach out...
but I hear her.

everytime I build up the strength to confront her
I am halted at the door.

the words that part her lips
I hear them from the other side.

rumors
lies
slandar
sneak away
and free themselves
under the crack of the door.

defying gravity
they reach my ears.
summonig tears.
her words tore my courage down
confirming my fears

is my silence portraying
the bigger person

or is my silence
giving in to my fears


on the otherside of the door
i am self conflicted


In my freshman writing seminar class today, we did an exercise called Pimp My Essay, just the teacher trying to find a fun way to revise our work.. So we got into groups of three and discussed an essay (that he had already graded)...
The topic was diction, casualty, and formality.
One chick in my group is an amazing writer like.. me and the other kid in the group didn't have anything bad to say about her stuff at all! But she definitely had words for us and I mean... we needed it.
She told the other kid his personal narrative was too formal... and that it should be more casual.. and she told me that mine should be more formal, less casual. And I mean, I'm known for writing how I speak so that was okay.. So I nodded and carried on to say yeah I know you're right...
Then she said, "I feel like if you expanded your vocabulary more, it'd be less casual".
That might not be a big deal to some readers but at that moment I wasn't sure how I felt about that comment. But I knew it was bothering me when I couldn't get it off my brain.
Is my vocabulary not extensive enough for Boston College?
I mean I got in here 'in my own words' didn't I?
Part of me was like damn.. I'm about to go buy a thesaurus and like learn new words and never hear someone say that to me again.
But the other side of me was like... well... this is a personal narrative I can write how I want!
But that was me being defensive, wasn't it?
Because I know I don't use super-uber-huge words in my writing.
But that's because I am who I am, I write how I write, right?
I shouldn't have to go out and memorize new vocab! If I learn more, I learn more,
but should I go out of my way to do so?

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong here. I'm not gonna lie.

For the record, I got an A- on that essay. She only received a B.
I must be doing SOMETHIN right.

PS- this isn't related to the blurb at the top at all.

3 people left me some shugga!:

B. Coles said...

I think you vocabulary is fine. However, who's vocab couldnt use some work. Im not saying go out of your way to do so (not that its unprecidented to do that) but its not necessary. I have a daily word sent to me by dictionary.com. Sometimes I dont read them... but they help sometimes. Other times, its like whats the point because in order to actually remember the words, I'd have to spend quality time studying this word. But when I do remember them sometimes, it makes me feel good. lol but i like the poem at the top.

Anonymous said...

no. eff her. yes people hear/see what you have to say before they dissect the content,.. but who's falt is it if they miss the info. I had fuckin impressions, just listen/read and dig it/be enlightened. but she could have said it in a different way.. or not said anything. Everything you do is an expression of you.

SooPeculiarr said...

I LIked the poem, it was an intense 'photo' of thought. -beautifully written.

NO. uhh she def. tried to say u were dumb. how can ur writin be too formal AND need more vocab??....thats like saying i need to lose weight and start eating a whole bunch of ice cream. like the person above me...eff her, she doesn't know what she's talking about. ppl are different, therefore ppl have different writing styles. sooo....keep doing your thang. and YOU DO belong here, we all feel that way but honestly I think we're being too hard on ourselves. if we didnt belong here, we wouldnt be here.