Sunday



How can I even survive?...

Day by day, living these.. lies.
Becoming the people I once despised.
Knowing she'll look up into my eyes,
Wanting to heighten, wanting to grow,
wanting to become the only woman she knows.
While I'm fakin' innocence, yelling "Yay, for mankind!"
Recycling, praising God, tellin her, "Say no to crime!
Don't smoke, don't drink, don't steal, don't lie,
Never become dependent cuz you don't NEED a guy,
Close your legs after marriage is the time
Just focus on books and you'll be fine"
Should she do as I say even though I've failed?
Learn from my mistakes, just don't follow my trail?
And please never use my past as an excuse?
Take it, prove them wrong put it to good use?
Never take my past and use it against me?
Make me this promise, persevere unrelenting?
Or maybe I should change or atleast try..
To remember each action is followed by her eyes...

You guys already know I need a title.. Lol.

6 people left me some shugga!:

Anonymous said...

that's really good. i like it. tough stuff to grapple with . . .

Soul*Star said...

love this..
relatable of sorts
got my mini me too.
sometimes when i want to do something i know thats not right. i find my self trying to figure out how to tell her NOT to do it even though i have.. iono.. :-(
i guess its the life of people some ones role model.
do the best you can and be the best you can.

B. Coles said...

that is the absolute cutest picture. and based off what u tol me and mommy about u and joi's relationship...i think that... well idk...bcuz my mom told me all of her bizness openly and shared with me the things she used to do and the situations those things got her into...i learned vicariously thru her mistakes and the sharing of those mistakes. Joi has seen u wen u were down and out, at ur best and at ur worst. She may not know why, but as she grows up, she'll make sense of it all. Do u need to change?
I believe that u already have. Ur def. not the same person u were in 9th grade...hell not even in 12th grade... lol u've learned from ur experiences and now ur in college to persue the successfull life ahead of u. She knows this. because of ur success, she'll know that even when she makes mistakes, she can still go on and that its not the end of the world. Shes very young and very impressionable... and understands more than u think. but i think uve done a great job with her. I know shes missing u like crazy.
Its wierd how the fact that this picture looks like a mother daughter picture (the way shes looking at u) relates to what u were telling us about yall... this pic is priceless yo. and shes SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE! lol i love joi!

Anonymous said...

why do you insist on spelling Joy with an 'i'??? lol.

Anonymous said...

Allow her to make some mistakes and trip over life... but never let her fall. She has to make mistakes and have her own past to learn from, expeirience is the best teacher. Cause if she doesnt have her own mistakes to learn from later on in life big sis wont be there and she wont know "why" she cant do certain things and then it maybe more catisrophic.

B. Coles said...

idk...i always get confused with another lil girl i know named joi... okay i lied... i really dont know y... i used to spell it witha y...but i know from now on... lol